Sunday, February 1, 2009

You're So Lucky

So HB.O now has the movie Ju.no on perma-loop. My husband must like this movie because it is on all the time when I come in the room (He also really likes M.ona Li.sa Sm.ile and St.eel Magn.olias...hee hee). I have mixed feelings about this movie. I think it's a funny, clever movie, but I think the J.uno character is too blase about giving away a baby to be believable. Of course there are also the infertility feelings that are so mixed up in watching this movie. (I can stand this movie a LOT better than Ba.by Mam.a though. You know, the realistic movie where everyone gets a baby in the end.)

There is one part in this movie that makes me cringe every time I watch it. J.uno meets the adoptive parents for the first time and is talking about getting fat and putting elastic bands in her jeans. The adoptive mother says, "I think pregnancy is beautiful." J.uno says, "Well, you're lucky it's not you." You can see in Jen.nifer Gar.ner's face how hard it is for the adoptive mother to hear this. But she doesn't say anything. I know why...because she hears this kind of shit all the time.

You're so lucky you can go to the movie's without finding a sitter.
You're so lucky you can travel.
You're so lucky to have disposable income you don't have to spend on kids.
You're so lucky you don't have pregnancy gas.
You're so lucky you get to sleep through the night.
You're so lucky, you're so lucky, you're so lucky...

I don't feel lucky.

I don't think it would be more possible for me to feel less f*cking lucky. Most people who say this don't know about my struggles with infertility. Some do know about my struggles, but I can also tell that they know they have just put their foot in their mouth big time. (I forgive them because I am the queen of putting my foot in my mouth.)

I know that this is one of those things in life that just isn't fair. Like you can make fun of someone for being too skinny, but not for being too fat. You can make fun of someone for being too rich, but not too poor. But sometimes (fair or not) I want to tell the fertiles how lucky they are...

You're so lucky that you don't have to spend tens of thousands of dollars just to try and have a kid.
You're so lucky that you get to tuck a child into bed every night.
You're so lucky that pregnancy is a happy time for you and not a time of waiting for the other shoe to fall.
You're so lucky that all of your babies were born alive and healthy.

You're so lucky.

But I guess we can't say that. It's just not socially acceptable.

25 comments:

Mo and Will said...

I completely agree. I suspect by the way that should you point out any of the luck to the fertiles they would agree. they know that they're lucky if they stop to think about it.

Mo

Betty Rubble said...

We all tend to take things for granted when things come easy...but the "assvise" of "You're so lucky..." doesn't make that knowledge any easier.

'Murgdan' said...

Totally. I thought the same thing about Juno too, but I've watched it 3 times, and I haven't watched aNy other movie 3 times.

What? So I'm not lucky to be able to sleep in??? ;)

Cassandra said...

I don't know any parent who spent more on one of their kids than I did last year on fertility treatments.

And I don't sleep through the night.

Their assumptions about our "luck" are truly comical.

womb for improvement said...

To quote the one of the greatest poets of the 20th Century.

"I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky."
Pete Waterman as sung by Kylie Minogue

Mary said...

Sing it, Sister!

Caroline said...

I hear you Megan!

April said...

...or maybe we can say it? people say crap to us all of the time. maybe we could say this to them, too.

there has to be something more to all of this, right?

invitroveritas said...

I'm with you Megan.
Sometimes I think - you're lucky too. Lucky I don't stick this (fork, key, pen, handbag, finger) in your eye for being an insensitive jerk. But I have enough sense not to say it out loud.

Michelle said...

OMG I TOTALLY AGREE! I so wish I could say these things.

musicmakermomma said...

I agree with your movie critque - but it was well done. I've only seen it once, movies with babies just scrape on my soul these days. I'm sure people who say "you're so lucky..." are just filling the conversation with noise much of the time, not even realizing how painful it is to some.

Silya said...

I thought Jennifer Garner was perfect in that movie--and I remember her face during that scene with the "lucky" comment. It would be just as appropriate to say to someone who is blind that they are so "lucky" that they don't have to worry about messing with glasses and contacts.

G & H said...

Totally agree I hate when people I say " Oh you have it better" There crazy! I wish I had what they had!

kirke said...

I try to be patient with all the idiots as I know I say stupid things to fill the silence at times, but they do wear on my nerves.

Seriously, HBO, can't we watch something else? I watched it for a second time when they first started showing it, but after that crying jag, I try to avoid it.

Sarah said...

Well...y'know what?! I say fuck socially acceptable!! I WILL indeed tell people how damn lucky they are.

Erica said...

Amen to that!

PJ said...

OK you are seriously my newest, favoritest blogger. Although I'm fickle and have many faves. :)

My husband Tivo'ed Juno last week and when I told him I didn't want to see it, he promptly deleted it. The funny thing is that I was all ready to see it a few weeks ago - when pregnant of course.

Here is what kills me. I have a coworker that I love, and she gets out of all kinds of staying late, and meetings, and other stuff because she has kids and has to leave at a certain time. So I am LITERALLY being punished for not having children. And this has gone on for years.

And nobody would even think of that being totally unfair, unless they were dealing with infertility.

Bluebird said...

The problem is, I think I *am* going to say some of those things one day! I think its all building up and its all going to unleash on some poor unfortunate soul who doesn't really deserve the *full* wrath of my feelings of unluckiness :)

twondra said...

I soooo hear ya girl. I feel the same way.

Chelle said...

I totally agree. I wish it WAS socially acceptable for us to fire back like that...

callmemama said...

Thanks for your welcome comment on my blog :)

We get the "you're lucky" comments all the time too. And they're usually followed by the "oh well, you're still young" or the "don't worry, my friend thought she was infertile and she has 3 kids now". Cuz that's what you need - 1st punch, ouch. Second punch, okay I'm bleeding a bit. Third punch, TKO!

Stacey said...

Excellent post Megan. Very well said.

For way too many years I thought I was the only person who ever felt this way. Thank goodness for blogs!

JackiJaguar said...

Screw socially acceptable and say it. Even if it only comes out of your mouth every now and then, it makes you feel so much better! Great post...very well said.

Brittney said...

Yes! This is beautifully put. I feel the exact same way. I've been going through this same struggle for two years and it seems to get more difficult with each passing day (not the other way around). Your post was a comfort for me:) Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Sara said...

I did enjoy that movie quite a bit, particularly the music. I think that eventually Juno does get it, and understands the adoptive mother more - I guess that's the point of the movie.

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