Hubby and I have some real life couple friends who are dealing with infertility. Our infertility journeys have run along a parallel course with a few differences. We have been trying longer. We had a miscarriage. He has kids from a prior marriage. They had a vasectomy reversal.
Besides those differences our paths have been the same. We started Clomid at the same time and took it for about the same number of months. We both chose to go straight to IVF and not do IUI. We’ve both been unsuccessful in all attempts to get pregnant and stay that way.
I’ve always wondered what will happen when one of us succeeds. Will our friendship survive? My friend just transferred two embryos on Friday, with two to spare that were frozen. My husband has already told me that he is bitter that they made it to transfer on their first cycle while our first cycle was cancelled. He doesn’t have much hope for our new cycle being an “expect the worst” kind of person.
I know how I would probably feel if a friend not going through infertility told me she was pregnant. I would probably go into modified avoidance mode or total avoidance mode depending on the original level of friendship. But how will I feel in this instance? Will I be happy for them because they have been through so much? Or will I be insanely jealous because we have done the exact same things and still don’t have a baby?
If their cycle succeeds and our cycle fails I’m sure I can be brave for awhile because surely we will be next and our next cycle will be successful, but what if it’s not? What if they succeed and I remain barren and have to watch yet another couple have a healthy baby (or two)? It’s just the same old feeling once again. I will be thrilled for them if they are successful, but DAMN IT, I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL TOO!!!!!
There’s too much on the line with infertility; future happiness, sanity, marital relationship, financial security, friendships…just to name a few. The stakes are so high.
I know, I know, we could both be successful and our relationship could bloom into play dates and such. But I’m an infertile. I have a hard time being that optimistic.