Yes, I'm serious. I planned the vacation down to the hour. So you can probably guess that being infertile, with all its little surprises, is like shoving bamboo under my fingernails. Having a baby presents me with endless opportunities to plan. I can plan nurserys. I can calculate the size of my child in each season so that I can bargain shop for baby clothes. I can plan college savings accounts. I can plan maternity leave. Just typing about all this planning is somewhat....stimulating.
But I can't get no satisfaction. Waiting for pregnancy has been like two years of foreplay with no....um.....release. Back when we were trying to make a baby with good old fashioned sex, back when I really thought we would get pregnant with good old fashioned sex, everytime I got my period I would complete a little project around the house. I painted the dining room. I painted and furnished a bedroom. I landscaped. I bought patio furniture. Now I have nothing left. The only room untouched in my house is the room that is supposed to be a nursery, but right now is the room where my husband irons his shirts.
IVF helps. There is lots of planning involved. Lots of charts to follow. Syringes to prepare. Boxes to check.
But I'm still searching for the BIG ONE, the ultimate plan. My pencils are sharpened. My spreadsheets are ready. I'm all set.