Yes, I'm serious. I planned the vacation down to the hour. So you can probably guess that being infertile, with all its little surprises, is like shoving bamboo under my fingernails. Having a baby presents me with endless opportunities to plan. I can plan nurserys. I can calculate the size of my child in each season so that I can bargain shop for baby clothes. I can plan college savings accounts. I can plan maternity leave. Just typing about all this planning is somewhat....stimulating.
But I can't get no satisfaction. Waiting for pregnancy has been like two years of foreplay with no....um.....release. Back when we were trying to make a baby with good old fashioned sex, back when I really thought we would get pregnant with good old fashioned sex, everytime I got my period I would complete a little project around the house. I painted the dining room. I painted and furnished a bedroom. I landscaped. I bought patio furniture. Now I have nothing left. The only room untouched in my house is the room that is supposed to be a nursery, but right now is the room where my husband irons his shirts.
IVF helps. There is lots of planning involved. Lots of charts to follow. Syringes to prepare. Boxes to check.
But I'm still searching for the BIG ONE, the ultimate plan. My pencils are sharpened. My spreadsheets are ready. I'm all set.
20 comments:
Woman after my own heart :) Except there comes a point when I get a little *too* in to planning - which is why we haven't taken a driving vacation - I'm afraid I'd drive DH crazy! But anyway - I know what you mean. It makes you crazy to not feel like you're "doing" something, "planning" for something, "preparing" for something. . . I'm glad IVF helps, and hope you have even more to plan for soon.
I too plan this way...to the point where I tend to drive DH a little batty. I can't help myself.
And calendars are my best friend...the one on the cell..the one of the computer...the one on the fridge. I am constantly updating them all.
Me too! I love to plan and make lists and check things off. It's so hard when with IF you seem to always be on step 1. I hope things go well for you!
I too have painted every room of my house except the hopeful nursery. I almost feel at a loss now that I have nothing practical to remodel.
I never thought of myself as a planner until I read this post and fully identified.
I totally get this - there is something about planning that is so exciting. I remember how much I loved creating my excel spreadsheet for charting my temperature. I think it's the aspect of IF that makes it the most torturous, and I laugh my ass off at people who actually "plan" to have their babies in a certain season or month of the year. Please. Can't even imagine.
I like to think of myself as a TYPE B personality...but I am only deluding myself...and infertility proves it. LOL.
With every period visit, I buy something. Shopping is supposedly proven to make you feel better. Hasn't done the trick yet though. I'm with you. So ready for the big one. Any day now...
I'm super anal at work, but it just doesn't carry over into my personal life. With every period visit, I have a fancy, girly martini.
Just reading about what you've done, made me think I had been put down the martini shaker and get to work.
I lean a little to the other side...tenative schedule planned out, but definate beging and end to each day. My husband tends to be more like you. I think whatever makes you comfortable and calm. GO FOR IT!!!! You wanna come paint my house? :)
I'm a bit jealous, and a bit scared by this.
My planning involves day dreaming but very little action. Which reminds me we are going away for a weekend in afew weeks and I got bored after booking the flights so haven't even looked at the hotels yet ... you don't fancy planning the itinery for me do you?
boxes to check? i love to make lists with boxes and plan things. my friends make fun of me for my boxes! i was maid of honor for my friend and i made lists with boxes for each member of the wedding party, the parents, and anyone who needed direction. :)
ivf is good for planning and boxes.
xoxo
From one planner to another, I totally understand -- the bamboo under the fingernails is the perfect description for what it feels like when plans fall apart...
Wishing you the very best.
I also love planning. I make lists and charts and love when I can check things off.
I am usually in charge of all parties and vacations, because I plan them out so perfectly.
i'm a planner too. i've done so much planning for this baby, all i need my bfp.
I can relate to the planning and I think (for me) it's how I stay in control. Which is why infertility is so frustrating. It's completely out of my control. Good luck!
ICLW
I totally understand. But the final bit of pregnancy? When the baby comes out? That part was CRAZY hard for me. Seriously, the only thing you honestly have absolutely no control over is when you will go into labor. Seems to me that is the only major life changing event that you can't control.
Hmmm, we type A's don't do well with loss of control, apparently. It takes one to know one. ;-)
ICLW
Great post! I can totally relate, I am a planner by nature. IF has fucked up all our plans, I hate it. IVF is great for the planner side of me. I've got my calendars color coded to meds I'm taking :)GL!!!
Thanks so much for all the comments, it's so nice to know people are out there.
I can really relate! I think that's why the whole TTC stresses me! I just want to plan it and make it happen!
ICLW
ohhhh, i like to plan too! and lists! i love 'em. hopefully you have a reason to paint something again soon:)
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