Sunday, April 19, 2009

Benchmark Baby

My benchmark baby is turning one. What is a benchmark baby? A benchmark baby is the same age your baby would have been if...well, just if.


My benchmark baby belongs to someone at work. She is a very attractive baby. Her mother is from the Philippines so she is not cursed with my fair skin. She won't have to slather her skin with sunscreen just to go out and get the mail. But that makes sense. She's not mine.


I don't keep track of due dates and conception dates and miscarriage dates. Everyday is just another childless day, like the one before. I can barely remember my husband's birthday. My benchmark baby reminds me.


I would have named benchmark baby something different. Her name is one of those trendy, "name of the month" type names. When she goes to school she will have to be known by her name and her second initial. I prefer traditional names, something your grandmother would be named. Also I would have wanted her to be a boy. That's about all I can see that is wrong with her, except of course that she is not mine.


I can't believe that benchmark baby is already one year old. I thought I would be pregnant again before she was even born. I can't believe how quickly time goes by. She'll be starting school before I know it.


Happy first birthday, benchmark baby.

27 comments:

Mo and Will said...

I have one too. my sister in law's son. he is also about to turn one. which is how old our baby would be, if we hadn't lost her in our first miscarriage.

beautiful post.

Frau said...

I've got a couple because it seemed a whole mess of my friends tried to get pregnant the same time I did. I sometimes it'seasier when they hit the terrible threes. Well until all the other mothers are saying, "They'll grow out of it in a few years when they go to school"

ACCCCKKK! I guess I want to be in denial and believe that we just have a little bit of something to fix. There's no getting around the fact that we're good and infertile now.

Rambler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Monica LeMoine said...

Ha - a "benchmark baby." Never heard that term, but I totally & grumpily get exactly what you mean. Rest assured, that term will be added to our official Knocktionary of KuKd-related vocabulary words, and you will get full linguistic credit. Great word.

womb for improvement said...

My benchmark baby was conceived on our honeymoon - just not by us. I heard yesterday the lucky parents are expecting their second.

Betty Rubble said...

I don't have a benchmark baby, but one who is 4 weeks older than Bam-Bam would have been. Sigh. I don't like our benchmark babies...

princessoftides said...

Ohhh, how I understand this. I actually have several, all conceived around the same time by friends in my single mothers group. They are all walking, starting to talk and a couple are moving on to potty training. One mom is T42. Amazing, isn't it?

twondra said...

I have one of those and man, it's tough. Thanks for posting this. (((HUGS)))

PJ said...

I'm listening... and nodding.

Mary said...

Mine is 8 mos old. Her parents invited us over for dinner next week. Yay. I can't wait. Ugh.

UnicornMommy said...

My First benchmark baby is the child of a family friend. It's hard to be upset with her. She lost her first husband in her early twenties to cancer. Married my brother's best friend. She is in her mid thirties and deserves all the happiness in the world.

Except when I look at her little girl, I see what might have been for me. Our babies were due in the same month.

My second benchmark is my nephew. He was born the day before I miscarried. Never going to forget his birthday.

Nice term...benchmark. We all have those. It's nice to have a name for it.

G & H said...

Aw I so feel ya! My BFF's baby is turning one in 3 weeks and we started trying about a month after her and now there working on 2 and ....oh I wanna cry thinking about it

Jennifer said...

I sooo understand what you mean. It is very hard to see my benchmark babies they are all 1400 miles away from me and are my sister's 2 wonderful children. It is hard not being closer to family. We just live so far away from them.

Awesome post!!

Parenthood For Me said...

I too have a benchmark baby. If you can believe it my friend and I had the same exact due date. Her naturally, me through IVF. It's tough to think about what could have been.

humbird97 said...

Ah, yes. Mine is Jonathan E., a friend's baby born one month after my first loss would have been due. He'll turn 2 in August. And like you said, I thought I'd have baby number 2 by now. Instead, I'm trudging through the childlessness, blinded by jealousy and tears.

Well said.

Katie said...

Found your blog through a link. Love the term benchmark baby- just don't love that we have to have one. Mine is my godson, he's 2 years and 4 months old. Thank you for naming and validating what I've felt since I learned about the pregnancy.

Caroline said...

I felt so sad for you when reading your post. Other people's children are a reminder of where our lives would be if things had been different.

I don't have a benchmark baby, but one of my friends started fertility treatment at the same time as me. She now as a baby, and I find it hard to relate to her because my journey has been so different.
Hang in there,
hugs
Caroline xx

Kristin said...

I never thought to call it this... but I do know what you mean. I'm sorry you're so sad.

Bluebird said...

Beautiful and bittersweet. And something I hadn't thought of - but I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for sharing. And happy birthday to your benchmark baby. And all the hugs in the world to you.

sunflowerchilde said...

My brother and sister-in-law started trying for their second around the same time we started for our first, and now she's 6 months old. At least 5 other friends have conceived and given birth in that time, too, and several more are newly pregnant. I know how you feel - and I'm sorry things are the way they are.

The Lonely Scrapbooker said...

This one was sad. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I hope you get your own baby to celebrate his/her birthday soon.
I've never heard it put quite this way, but you certainly have hit a chord.

stillthinkingagain said...

Hi there -
I'm a first-time commenter... just happened across your blog, and had to comment on the "benchmark baby." What a perfect phrase to just sum it all up. Mine is my cousin's baby, born this past Feb. And the best part? She (intentionally) took the name that I would have named my baby. Bitch.
Nice to "meet" you!
Sarah

Panamahat said...

Also first time visiting your blog, also think 'benchmark baby' is a turn of phrase worth trademarking!

I have a few of them, because I've lost 6 pregnancies so far, but my first and main benchmark baby is my niece, an 'oops' child, who was announced at 6 weeks gestation, at my wedding party, just 4 weeks after my ectopic pregnancy (which had taken us 18 months to produce) was surgically removed. Double ouch.

It has taken me a very long time to bond with her (through no fault of her own, poor, beautiful creature)- she's 3.5 and I just played with her for the first time this Easter.

I hope you don't mind if I link to this post, I think this terminology should become widespread through our community. :-)

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