It’s been a busy week. I’ve been putting in extra time at work in order to get caught up before going on vacation next week. I’ve been cleaning the house since my mother will be coming for a visit the very day we return from vacation. Tony and I have been reestablishing our gym routine. And for the first time since September of 2008 we had sex for the purpose of making a baby.
This has been my first totally medication free cycle in ten months. I found an almost expired ovulation kit in my linen closet and it made me feel nostalgic for days of old, days when I thought that having sex might actually lead to a baby.
I peed through the whole box of sticks and nothing, nada, no go. Then I found a half empty box of ovulation tests and peed on those…goose egg. Then I went to the drug store and bought a new box of ovulation tests and peed through half of those until I finally got the smiley face on day 23 of my cycle.
In days of yore my cycle lasted between 26 and 28 days, so obviously I am still out of whack from my last IVF cycle. Or this is the new infertile me that was discovered last IVF cycle. (I don’t even know if it is possible to get pregnant the month after a failed IVF cycle, but if it’s not possible don’t tell me…just live in my fantasy world with me.)
Last night we lit the candles, put on some soft music, and tried to make a baby. (Don’t believe it…really I was perched on the edge of the bed on all fours, telling my husband to hurry up so that I could watch The Messiest Home in the Country on TV. Anyone else watch that? Hoarding is so sad.)
But before all the action started, as if my bad eggs and hubby’s less than stellar sperm aren’t obstacles enough to us conceiving our own child, Tony says to me, “I probably shouldn’t have gotten into the hot tub at the gym tonight.” Ya think?
We have a snow ball’s chance in hell of conceiving a baby, but I don’t care. I have done for myself what my medical staff has not been able to do for ten months. I have given myself a possibility (although slim) of being pregnant. I will have a two week wait this month. I will wonder if I could be, might be, maybe, possibly pregnant.
And maybe, just maybe I might get a miracle.