Friday, July 17, 2009

BFP-BFN-BFN

16 days past "ovulation".

My day that started like this...



I have had some headaches, some backaches, some cramps, but no sore boobs and I have been feeling more energetic than ever lately. I debated about testing...I even debated this morning while my bladder felt like it was going to explode.

But I haven't had my period and last night on our walk through the neighborhood I needed to take the shortcut because I was so tired and then I almost fell asleep on the sofa. I had an old Clearblue Easy Digital test in the linen closet...what the hell.

I woke my husband, showed him the positive test, started crying, and begged him to go buy more tests. While he was gone I drank a glass of water. I could barely pee on the First Response test when he returned. It was clearly negative. If I tilted the test in the light and crossed my eyes I could almost convince myself that there was a very faint line, but realistically it was negative.

I went to work and started Googling. I've learned that lots of people have had false positives with Clearblue Easy Digital Pregnancy Tests. I alternated between telling myself that I wasn't pregnant and telling myself that I was pregnant because surely the universe would not fuck with my mind like this...

I took the newly purchased Clearblue Easy Digital Test I brought with me to work in my purse and got this...



I take more pregnancy tests before 9 am than most people take all day. I'm disappointed. I'm numb. I'm angry. I'm upset.

I feel like the mean popular girl at school asked me to sit with her at lunch today and then started a nasty rumor about me.

Welcome to my pity party. I'm experiencing a serious case of "why me?" this morning.

36 comments:

Lorza said...

awww. That sucks. I am sorry. {{{HUGS}}}

waitingformavis said...

How could the universe toy with your emotions like that! (hugs) I am delurking to say that I still have hope since AF hasn't arrive. Perhaps you can take another FRER tonight or tomorrow morning. I'm sending you the best of my baby dust vibes.

XO,
Jackie

Banana Pancakes... With no little monkey to feed them to. said...

Aw sweetie, that is majorly dumpy. I freaking hate POAS more than anything, even those damned OPKs fuck with my brain. So sorry. Hang in there. *hugs*

Jill said...

That sucks so much! I'm sorry, sweetie! Sending lots of hugs....

Bluebird said...

Well, nuts! I'm so sorry honey. It's been so long since I've peed on sticks that I don't know whether to tell you to just wait and see or not! Regardless, I will always been wishing and hoping for you, and keeping you in my thoughts. ((Hugs))!

shannon said...

I am hoping that when you test with first morning urine again you will get another BFP!! I am sorry!

Patricia said...

That's just unbelievably cruel, no matter how you look at it. A negative is heartbreaking on its own. But to have even a glimpse of the opposite and then have it snatched away is just plain mean. I'm sorry this is happening.


Of frick, my word verification is suffor :(

Betty Rubble said...

Digitals have a higher threshold for positive--if you took one w/out FMU it still COULD be BFP...I know stop blowing smoke but seriously until AF comes...you're not out yet...BUT

just because I hate platitudes when I know I'm not pregnant..

SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! GRR.

Chelle said...

Oh man, that's terrible. I am sorry.

((HUGS))

areyoukiddingme said...

Oh that sucks. I don't know whether to tell you to go with the negatives or go get a blood test.

I'm sorry the universe is messing with you today.

SS said...

I'm sorry- that is terrible. I got a false positive on the clear blue easy blue plus sign test. It was the only one I've ever had. The tests screw up all the time apprently (went to that peeonastick.com place). It looks like the most reliable is the pink line FRER. I hope you get the real thing some time veyr soon.

Jendeis said...

I'm so sorry that you are going through this utter BS. Hugs.

IVF 40+ said...

Oh man that is totally crap. I hate those damn sticks. Can I suggest chocolate cake as part of the pity fest.

Melissa G said...

That really is awful! I am so sorry!

I agree with Betty. It ain't over, till it's over...

HUGS!

Meg. said...

Holy crap. That first test is such a bastard! How dare it screw with your emotions like that. =(

I'm really sorry. *hugs*

IF Optimist, then... said...

Do me a fave and save you heart a little. I agree with the others, buy a good quality test and wait until first morning urine and try again, or go to your doc for a blood test. It is still very early at 16dpo and you need enough chemical in your system to register a positive. AF hasn't arrived and you aren't out of the running until she comes. Sending out positive vibes for a good outcome!

B. said...

To echo some of the wise comments above, it's entirely possible that only FMU has a high enough concentration to give a BFP. No period = there's still hope. Besides, you took a vacation. Everybody knows that when you take a vaca, you get pregnant. Right? Isn't that how it works?

Enough funny business- I'll still hold onto hope for you. Stick with FMU, or wait at least 5 hours between pee-breaks to POAS. According to some web site I found on Tuesday, when I was questioning a very very faint 2nd line, the Answer Early Response tests are the most sensitive, requiring an hcg concentration of just 20. Everything else is 25 or higher, with the digital ones up around 40-50.

Not giving up on you!

Shinejil said...

Class action suit, anyone? That's terrible.

I'm with the commenters above, hoping that it's a matter of hCG concentration, not the cruelty of the universe.

mnrn said...

I got my BFP on a Clearblue digital, and saw nothing on the FRER. And I was clearly pregnant. So, I'm with the others, until ol' AF show up, you're still in the game. My fingers are crossed for you!

ryanandjoesmom said...

Bastard digital tests. They are so sensitive. Can you get into your RE clinic for an Hcg? I'm not giving up on this month for you yet.

(((hugs)))

Michelle said...

I also say you should go get a test from the doctor. Those things just suck and play with your mind. I am oldin out hope. ((HUGS))

Pepper said...

Sorry for the rollercoaster mind tricks. I can't imagine how terrible that feels. I hope tomorrow brings a brighter day.

the misfit said...

Wait wait, this is all just TODAY? I'll probably never see a bfp, but I'm positive that at just 16dpo, only fmu will show a positive. Choose whatever pee receptacle you want, but do the next one TOMORROW! And then please report back.

B MoM said...

WTF? That seriously sucks. I had a BFN for my first test this pregnancy, which two days later, turned into a barely there BFP....could you be a creeper?

Aunt Becky said...

Totally happened to me before too. Awful. Hang in there.

mekate said...

what
the
fuck

that is evil.
But, maybe, like others have said, tomorrow morning may bring better news.

I do not use the digital ones since I am all about shades of pink.
Gah, I could scream on your behalf.
thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Kate

Pundelina said...

What a complete mindf**k. As a PP said though - come back tomorrow after you've done another test using FMU. I'll be crossing my fingers for a BFP for you.

hope4joy said...

What total BS. When I read your post my heart broke for you. I am so very sorry that you had this experience. I agree with the others about takng another one with the FMU. I am praying for your BFP.

strongblonde said...

:( this sucks. and totally reinforces my fear of HPTs!

xoxo

battynurse said...

That sucks big time. I'm so sorry.

twelvegrapes said...

"I feel like the mean popular girl at school asked me to sit with her at lunch today and then started a nasty rumor about me." omg, perfect metaphor. F*** clearblue...it's not fair getting the false +. i'm so sorry u had to go through that.

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