Friday, July 31, 2009

Spontaneous Hope

I find myself at the bottom of IVF Mountain again, preparing to start climbing to Base Camp One.

This being my fourth attempt I know the base of this mountain well, but I can only dream of the view from the top.

Each time I attempt to crest this mountain I feel a little less optimistic, a little less confident, a little more unsure.

But every once in awhile, I have a flash of spontaneous hope. Just for a few seconds I think, "This could be it. I could do it this time. One last climb and this could all could be over."

The thought stops me in my tracks and takes my breath away.

I force the thought out of my mind. I must not lose focus. I must focus on the climb, one stage at a time.

(And thanks for climbing with me.)

22 comments:

IVF 40+ said...

Consider me your sherpa. OK, wait, that would mean i know where I am going. Consider me one of those Sherpa's that carry things but don't lead the way.
EB

areyoukiddingme said...

I'll be the sherpa that knows a different mountain, and tries to make that count on this one! Either way, I can at least hold the rope...

Erica said...

Okay, I don't know what a "sherpa" is, unfortunately...but I'm cheering you on, Megan.

Logical Libby said...

Wow. I think you are so brave to do this again. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Oh, and so will your husband who has to suffer through the hormone swings.

Betty Rubble said...

I'll hold your back pack so that you have an easy climb! I know you have a Sherpa and all, but they really aren't good conversationalists :)

No offense to Sherpas of course :)

Lorza said...

Okay, you have a sherpa..whatelse..humm...how about I am in a prayer group for ya?!? :)

Eileen said...

I will keep everything crossed for you! I just know that this is going to be the answer to your prayers. *HUGS*

womb for improvement said...

Yesterday, I emailed a friend and told her how excited I was to be starting clomid, but that I knew this was the first of many steps and I should try and calm down, her response:

"Get excited. I did, every month for 4 years and 1 month until it happened. And despite every disappointment, I’m glad I never stopped looking forward to it."

MelissaP05 said...

Best of luck with your climb! Hopefully once you reach the summit, you can put up your "I'm PG!" flag.

Megan said...

I've done that too. I've told myself, that whether I get excited or not I'm going to be disappointed if it doesn't work, so I may as well enjoy the excitement.

IF Optimist, then... said...

Good luck sweetie. I'll be climbing right next to you. I'll carry an extra bottle of supplemental oxygen for us both. Just remember when the air is getting especially thin...breathe breathe breathe.

barrenisthenewblack said...

I'm getting excited for you! Thanks for posting your plan. I really appreciate it as I'm starting to look into more aggressive protocols. How are you feeling?

mekate said...

So happy for your deep breath before beginning and spontaneous hope.
Hope matters so much.

Nice plan, hope all of your injections are subQ, and that your cycle goes just as planned, and as hoped, you know, with that baby at the end.

thank you for your sweet support of me. I appreciate it so much.

GOOD LUCK!

Kate

Michelle said...

I'm still stuck at the bottom. Good Luck and I hope this time you make it to the top. When you get there make sure you let me know what the view is like and hopefully soon I will be there to meet ya!

Sending lots of baby dust your way!

twoweekwait said...

It IS so scary but those few seconds of hope is what its all about. Hoping with you as you make your way up the mountain.

olive said...

Good Luck!!

Mad Hatter said...

Someone once said, "Mountain climbing is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror."
I think you've hit the nail on the head with this metaphor for IF. Challenging, exhilarating, hopeful, scary...requiring so much focus and strength. It is an honour to be one of many supporting and cheering you on here at the base camp! You can do it!

Sumer said...

Hey Megan!! Check out my blog - I tagged you for an award!! One Lovely Blog Award!! I follow your blog and think it is awesome! I should be starting my IVF cycle in September and am glad I found others out there to find comfort in.

Sumer

gracieinbrooklyn said...

Good luck!

Tiffanie said...

i've got some catching up to do -

1. after my shitty response to the meds w/ IVF #1 i felt a whole lot better, (well, as better as you can feel) going into the next IVF using a whole different protocol.

2. i think the changes you have made and listed a few posts back are good ones. you are doing everything you can for the best possible outcome. i went to acupuncture also and made some diet changes. do i think it worked? who knows, but i'm glad i did it.

good luck. i'll be following along and cheering you on:)

JackieMac said...

check out my blog - I gave you an award

Angie said...

I am in awe of your attitude ~ keep it up and focus on what you need to do, and keep a little hope in there too.....Also, some IF friends and I relate the IF journey to Miley Cyrus' song "The Climb" perfect anthem for you right now!

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