Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Break Down

Today we had our cycle day 9 ultrasound. Our RE is hoping to get 3 or 4 eggs out of the left ovary. The right ovary is not responding well at all.

I don't know what we were expecting, but I know we were hoping for something better than this. This feels like deja vu. This feels like last cycle. We have made so many changes and our results are the same.

Tonight while Tony was giving me my shots he told me about a very mentally challenged girl in his school. Each day she gets a certain amount of "rocking time" and today he happened to be in her classroom and was the one to rock her. I started crying. I told him that I was sorry that we were going through this. I told him that he would make a great dad.

Then he started crying.

Then I started crying more because he was crying, and I've only rarely seen him cry.

I don't know how many more cycles we have left in us. This is too hard.

34 comments:

IF Optimist, then... said...

Oh honeygirl, my heart goes out to you and Tony tonight. I'm sorry you both have to endure this heartache. Sending you lots of love and hope that all goes well and improves over the next few days.

Kate said...

Hang in, Megan. Good things can still happen this cycle.

'Murgdan' said...

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Thinking of you.

twoweekwait said...

This post made me so sad. I hope it works out this cycle for you guys. This time is such a difficult one.

Mad Hatter said...

Aw, sweetie - I'm so sorry you and Tony are feeling so sad tonight. I know you've been doing so much to improve your health and even if it doesn't seem to have made a difference in the quantity of eggs, the quality is another matter altogether! Remember that all it takes is one and that one good egg is better than a thousand less-than-good ones. I have faith in all that you've been doing and I am wishing and hoping that after this cycle, you and Tony no longer have to worry about whether you have any more cycles left in you.
Breathe lots and lots.
Love,
Maddy
P.S. My word verification is "nonquit"...how's that for a sign?

Betty Rubble said...

Wrapping my virtual arms around you both and squeezing HARD!

K said...

Hoping those three or four are all you need. Thinking of you.

hope4joy said...

I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope things turn around this cycle. Sending you hugs.

Michelle said...

So sorry sweetie...I know all too well. Hugs to you.

JB said...

Really sorry this is so tough right now. Wait it out, it could turn a corner. It's all about quality....it can happen.

Melissa G said...

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I wish this u/s had given you better news. Hopefully the three or four is all you'll need.

Thinking of you.

Pundelina said...

((hugs)) from me too. This whole thing is incredibly hard and emotionally painful. I'm praying that this cycle works out for you and you do get your beautiful BFP from it.

And 3 or 4 is enough, because 1 is all it takes.

Nicole said...

Oh Megan...you are so amazing for what you are doing. And so is you DH. It is without a doubt the longest, hardest road I've ever walked and I am so sad that you are on it right now too.

Don't despair just yet though, like they've mentioned above you still have several and it does only take one. (But I do know how you feel!). Hang in there, as much as you can. We're thinking of you!

IVF 40+ said...

It is tough and it is emotional. We are snippy with each other one min and then can't be apart the next. As our brothers from the other addiction say 'One day at a time'.
I hope you find some sweet solace today and that you are a late bloomer -2309854 eggs. A world record. The most ever!

TeeJay said...

I'm so sorry, Megan. I know you were hoping for better and I know what a let down it can be. But please hang in there. There is still a chance things will pick up a litttle bit. My heart goes out to you and Tony during this difficult time.

callmemama said...

I just shed a couple tears for you this mornin, reading this post and thinking of everything you've been through.
Wishing you the strength to make it through this cycle. And hoping that you and Tony will get to be parents...

MNgal said...

I'm so sorry. Sending hugs your way.

Simple said...

I hate what IF does to us, how it makes us feel. Just know you are not alone & strong, positive thoughts and vibes are being sent to you! Try to keep the faith (hugs)

Suraita said...

Thinking of both of you. I'm sorry this was a hard ultrasound.

Jennifer said...

Sending many, many hugs to you. Do not lose hope. The follies that you have are fierce and will do their job.

Mary said...

Oh, Megan. Please hang on just a little longer. I have all the hope in the world for you guys.

SassyIfLady said...

Sending you a big hug. IF sucks - it really does. The emotional roller coaster seems at times unbearable. Hang in there & take care of yourself!

womb for improvement said...

I really hope this is it.

It is so hard.

ASP said...

Hope that you're having a better day today. Like others have said, it only takes one egg, so think positive and keep your heads up! Sending lots of positive vibes your way!

And yes, I'm cycling again. This is the 1st back to back cycle we've done. We took a month off in between the 1st/2nd cycle. If this doesn't work, then we're taking off until after the Holidays/Spring...

Take care!

Amy said...

It sucks that this has to be so hard for you and your husband. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

birdsandsquirrels said...

Oh Megan, I'm sorry about the low response. I was so hoping this would be totally different from last cycle and that you'd have a ton of eggs. This is so hard, and you are doing everything you can. I am thinking of you and Tony and hoping for the best for this cycle.

Tara said...

Hang in there. Miracles can and do happen.

areyoukiddingme said...

I'm sorry it's so hard. I wish I could make it easier for you both.

KuKd Chick said...

I'm sorry!! ((Hugs)) - I would say "don't worry" but hardly have the knowledge to offer up any rationale for that. I can imagine the let-down. Are you road-tripping to Memphis right now? (Sorry I'm still damp from Ireland and totally out of the blog-o-loop)? Is there some good-luck charm at Elvis's mansion that you can like...sit on or rub your pelvis up against? (if you do that, please post pictures)

loribeth said...

Here from the Stirrup Queen's Friday roundup. Mel said we'd need Kleenex & she was right. (((hugs)))

Delenn said...

From RoundUp--

Sorry that life is so unfair and hard right now. Thinking of you.

Sprudeln said...

Many hugs. (We've been at it since 5/07 too.)

twoisafamily said...

I'm hoping that this is the one for you. In the meantime, hold each other tight and know that the rest of us are holding you both in our prayers.

Ally said...

I am so, so sorry. I wish it could be easier for you, for all of us. Sending love and peace your way.

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