Signs You Are With The Wrong RE

Sometimes when I think about my old RE I feel like a battered woman who has finally gotten out of an abusive relationship. (Not literally...obviously battered women have it much much worse than me.) I have no idea why I didn't ditch this guy sooner. I had a gut feeling that he was wrong from my second appointment. I think that staying with him seemed like the path of least resistance. I always thought that the next treatment would work and I would just suck it up, get pregnant, and then I would never have to see him again. I guess I was too lazy to start over somewhere else.

Here are some signs that you are going to the wrong RE:

1. After my Clomid Challenge test I was called and told I needed additional testing. I told the nurse that I would like to discuss the Clomid Challenge test results with the doctor first. When hubby and I went to that appointment to discuss test results, the results were not in my file. In fact, the results were not in the office and the lab had to be called. So this guy ordered more tests without even reviewing the tests he had already ordered. Also, while we waited for the test results to be faxed over, he opened his junk mail as we were sitting in his office. We never did have the additional testing he had ordered.

2. Before we went to this RE my husband had two semen analyses with his urologist. One came back with a count of 10 million and the other with a count of 9 million. Two weeks after the 9 million test hubby squeezed out another sample for the RE. His count came back 150 million plus. I had a long discussion with the head of the lab regarding the fact that this did not seem possible. He told me that he trusted his lab results and that the other lab was wrong...twice. When I asked him how this could be possible he explained that my husband probably felt more relaxed giving his sample in the RE's office and, thus, more sperm. He also told me that hubby needed more tests. We declined. After all, if his count was over 150 million why do more testing? (Note: After the RE's results hubby's urologist sent him to a different lab for an independent semen analysis that was 11 million.)

3. A week after my first IVF cycle was cancelled for OHSS, I was in the RE's office for an ultrasound to make sure that my ovaries weren't exploding. As I was paying and checking out there was a patient checking in who was obviously there for an embryo transfer. My RE walked over to me, put his arm around me and proceeded to tell me about how this woman was so tall and was a basketball coach, blah, blah, blah. At that point, as I'm sure you can relate, I could have given two sh*ts about some woman who was there to have a transfer.

4. My old RE does not do weekends. When I went into the office to start IVF cycle #2 there were signs posted saying that the office was now to be closed on Tuesdays as well. So I guess you need to time your retrieval and transfer on one of the four days a week that he works.

5. After the nurse called to cancel cycle #2, the doctor called later to confirm that my cycle was cancelled because he wasn't sure if the nurse had called. Then he proceeded to tell me that he felt I needed counseling because I was asking questions about why I did not get the additional monitoring I requested after my first cancelled cycle.

I realize that sharing these stories makes me look really foolish, but I'm hoping to share it as a cautionary tale. Go with your gut. If something doesn't feel right...move on, even if you have to start over with a new doctor. It's OK, even if you lose a few months you will gain in the end.

If anyone lives in the Midwest and wants to know my old RE's name, leave your email address and I will email you.

I had my phone consult with a new RE today. I am currently processing the conversation, but on the whole it was good.