Sunday, March 8, 2009

Here a Swing, There a Swing...


...Everywhere a mood swing...

Since cancelled cycle number two I have been having some mood swings, two to be specific.

Mood number one I refer to as the Mother Teresa mood. When I'm in this mood I am very accepting of my non traditional baby making journey. I say things in my head like, "I'm still coming baby. It's just going to be a little longer." When I workout at the gym I concentrate on making my body stronger for a pregnancy that is sure to come. As I do our family financial planning I am happy for additional months to pad our savings account. I make the best of things. I am optimistic about our future.

Luckily mood number one coincided with our Friday happy hour with some couple friends who just completed a successful IVF cycle. Even though they have had success with IVF the first time, even though her beta numbers indicate that she might have twins, even though this was my dream. I was OK. I was Mother Teresa.

Mood number two is called, "Why me?". When I'm in this mood I am bitter. I have not had a two week wait since October. I'd much rather have two cancelled cycles under my belt than two failed cycles, but after five months without even the chance, without even the hope that I am pregnant I am ready for my turn. When will we get a chance just to try and have a baby? Put me in coach!!! I'm ready to play!!! I've been in mood number two most of the weekend.

Today we went shopping. I was browsing at my favorite craft shop when suddenly a woman backed right into me, almost walked over me, then went on without a word. It's about par for the course right now. I feel invisible. I'm infertile, trying desparately not to be, but I can't catch a break.

13 comments:

Caroline said...

Hey Megan,
I hear you with the mood swings. I love your Mother Theresa description..I wish I could be more like that!
I hope that you are able to get back in the game again really soon. I hate sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else play the motherhood game.

Betty Rubble said...

Oh honey,

I'm sorry. I hope you feel more even keeled soon.

musicmakermomma said...

I am exactly like that too! Except the Mother Teresa part! Ok, so I'm not like that at all, just b*tchy, b*tchy, b*tchy according to DH. This I shall blissfully blame on the lupron. HOPING you get your chance next month - cancelled cycles are the pits.

Erica said...

I hear ya! Tonight I had a freak out because I couldn't get a Reese's sundae from Friendly's. My DH said, "what's the big deal? It's only ice cream." To which I flipped and said, "it's more than ice cream. It's about never getting what I want and deserve!!" Maybe we should all keep a log of the moody, bitchy shit we say...

I'm glad your friend saw Mother T. Hoping your chance is right around the corner.

birdsandsquirrels said...

These days I'm about 10% Mother Theresa/90% Why Me. I'm sorry about the canceled cycle. It is so frustrating to have to sit out so much of the time. Waiting sucks.

Nicole said...

What a crappy time right now...I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Hopefully the swings will get a little further apart and a little less volatile as time goes on. And hopefully by then you'll be right where you want to be, for once!

Hang in there!

Lorza said...

Very well said. I am glad you were able to tolerate the dinner with friends. I hope this will happen for you soon
XOXOX

HA HA- Word verification "flatonme" LOL

momsoon said...

Uh-huh- read my post today and you will see that (even in the post) i occilate (sp?) between Mother T. and "why me" and all I can say is:
IT SUCKs.
Sorry you even know what I am talking about.
I too hope that your (our) time is soon- turn this page please!!!!! xoxoxoxox

Gina said...

I hear ya about the mood swings. I have been in the yuckiest mood for the last few days.

I hope you feel better soon.

Tiffanie said...

well, lets see, i went through both of those and about 9 others numerous times this morning. too bad we didn't live near each other. i'm up for some good old fashioned alcohol poisoning.

womb for improvement said...

Yup I can identify with this. Although I seem to be able to manage both moods simultaneously.

Nic said...

I am sorry you are having a rough time and moody, I think that is all part of the journey. I know I am very cranky at the mo!

Jo said...

I got ya on the "why me." I'm going to post about it later this week -- but I definitely feel your pain!

(((Hugs)))

Jo

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