I hate the too cute to be real baby.
I hate the super emotional dad. I want that to be my husband. I want to give my husband that moment.
So where am I?
You know that place where you've had two cancelled IVF cycles and spent thousands of dollars with nothing to show for it.
You know that place where you can't walk past a baby without saying, "stupid baby" under your breath.
I'm there.
Where are you?
Update: Look at this. It's too funny.
19 comments:
Stupid baby! I'm not sure if that is really supposed to make me laugh, but it did.
I got lucky and won the baby lottery once, but just for your information, when I see the pictures of my husband holding our newborn, the only emotion on his face is DAZED TERROR. And he's not afraid of anything.
So, where am I? I'm saying "stupid husband" because he doesn't know if he could handle a second child, so he doesn't even want to try. Like I've got time to fuck around with that attitude. Sigh.
I'm at the place where I think about what all of the babies that I have lost would have been like. Boys? Girls? I torture myself with this. Then I go to the place about what happens when/if I get pregnant again...will I loose it at 6 weeks? 14 weeks? 24 weeks? Can I handle this? Do I want to go through this again? Pregnancy will never be a Fun time for me. Ever. All the magic has been stripped from me. I will live in a world of anxiety until I have a live baby in my arms. If that ever happens.
I hope that post didn't sound too crazy. Oh, and state farm insurance sucks ass anyway so they can shove their ultra depressing commerials up their ass.
Aww! Babies don't smile that young unless they're farting.
I'm with Mary. The first baby I lost I learned that a family friend was due the same time I was suppose to. The second baby I lost was the day after my nephew was born. So there are tons of reminders for me. I see these children growing up and imagine what my children would have been like. what my life would have been like with them in it.
I'm at the STUPID BABY...stupid people who DONT get their cycles cancelled. STUPID infertility. STUPID octomom for making me think LOGICALLY about a cancelled cycle.
Screw it all...
I'm at the stupid friends just having sex and just getting pregnant and just staying pregnant and trying to trick me into meeting them for dinner so they can tell me their "news". Stupid friends....I'm on to you. If you fall of the face of the earth for, oh, I don't know, 3 MONTHS, and then resurface inviting me to dinner to tell me some, "GOOD NEWS" I will email you and ask you if you are pregnant before enduring said dinner. So far this month I'm 2/2.
ha! my word verification for this comment is....wait for it...angst
I almost cringe when I see babies now, stupid babies - which makes me hate myself. And my friends who keep turning up pregnant, stupid friends - guilt. And all the baby stuff in the stores - stupid stores with baby stuff. The closer I get to transfer (tomorrow!) the worse it seems to get.
Sorry you are "there".
Ok so first I was laughing so hard about the fact that you "too" hate this commercial. When it comes on I grimace in sheer agony and try to change the channel before hubby sees me weeping. I'm so there..with you...not where the man is...with the baby...obviously b/c I am infertile.
Stupid ovaries...stupid sperm...stupid failed IUI's...sigh...repeat.
You know that place where you're so far in debt that you cant even continue to TRY to have a baby?
Yea...I'm there.
PS...I do the "stupid babies" thing to....and do you know what my STUPID husband says?
"its not their fault!"
ARGH!!
You know that place where every skank in the free world is able to have a kid, even the skank on One Tree Hill and the band geek from American pie, but you're not...and you might be able to forget about it for a second except State Farm and HGTV and TLC keep airing "having a baby is so great" commercials that rip out your soul...???? Yep I'm there. Fuck a bunch of pregnant women and their fat babies. There I said it.
You know that place where you want to tell your stupid RE to F*** off but you can't because he's your only option for 200 miles?
I'm there.
I hate that commercial too! I don't know what it is...a lot of other commercials (especially Gerber) make me sad and upset, but this commercial makes me angry. And probably for the same reason - that young, emotional dad should be my husband. The tired, satisfied-looking woman should be me.
For some reason the ad isn't showing on my computer - but from the comments that doesn't sound like such a bad thing.
You know that place where you've spent thousands of dollars with only losses to show for it, and every TTC friend you've ever had now has a baby, and women that were pregnant at the same time you were now have babies who are walking, meets your IF coverage has run out and the market stole the half of your IRA that you were planning on using for that one last Hail Mary cycle?
Yeah, I'm there too.
OMG, Love.It. Thanks for a laugh this morning. And yes, its funny 'cause its true. :)
Hmm Where Am I? Well I am at that place where you are just standing still, because IVF money doesn't grow on trees, no money, no money to spend trying to have baby. I am sorry you are so down, I understand. Hugs TO You!
Barf -- I hate this commercial too. The first time we saw it it caught us totally off guard and we both teared up. Stupid baby is right.
I stumbled across your blog looking for something for a work presentation and can totally relate. I'm actually where my son (who was conceived on IVF #4) kept me up all night meets I haven't had nearly enough coffee to cope today. More importantly, I'm here to tell you not to give up!! After 3 years, 4 IVFs and so MANY thousands of dollars spent that I ended up getting a hefty check back from the IRS, I did finally get PG. I spent the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy on bed rest and 3 1/2 months in the NICU after my son arrived 9 weeks early. It was a long and hard road and I know you all can relate. But he was worth every crazy, emotional, drug-induced psychotic moment.
So, hang in there. Best wishes and baby dust to all of us "infertility goddesses".
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