Actually I was obsessed with anything having to do with periods or boobs. I remember sneaking into my mom's stash of maxi pads. I would wear them from time to time just to see what it would feel like to be "in the club". This led to a particularly embarrassing moment when my mother, who did not have a lot of boundaries when it came to her children's privacy, caught me in the bathroom wearing a maxi pad. She asked, "Is there a reason you need to wear that?" Of course I was mortified and sheepishly answered no. Up to this point our discussions about sex amounted to a car ride where she asked if I knew what a period was and I answered yes. When *it* finally did happen I didn't tell her for a month.
Of course it didn't take long for me to wonder why I had been so anxious to start my period in the first place. For the rest of my teenage years and into my twenties it was a monthly annoyance. Oh sure, there were a couple times in college when I was damn glad aunt flo came to visit, but otherwise I never gave it much thought. I've always been regular. I've had cramps, but nothing to write home about most months. It wasn't until a month before my thirtieth birthday, when we started trying to conceive that I started paying attention to it. Enter a new obsession...waiting for my period *not* to come. But aside from that one time that ended in miscarriage, it's been there...month after month on day 27 or 28, unless I'm on Clomid, then it's a little later.
Well, call it the circle of life, call it irony, call it one of God's little jokes, but I'm back to being a thirteen year old girl. I haven't had a period since mid-November. I know that having my period is step one toward getting back on that IVF pony. Plus I'm a little concerned about how much is being built up in there. I'm starting to feel a bit like a freezer that desperately needs defrosting. So God, this time, just so there's no confusion, "I want my freaking period!!!"
***UPDATE*** This praying stuff really does work. After I hit publish I went to the bathroom and there it was...pink on the toilet paper. I guess that's why all those people are at church on Sunday while I'm at IHOP. Well, God, I hate to be greedy, but this time, "I want a freaking baby!!!"