Monday, January 12, 2009

Off The Wagon

OK, I’m not an alcoholic (or at least my family hasn't planned an intervention yet), but I like to drink when I’m having a good time with friends. I like to have a drink with dinner when hubby and I go out. Occasionally I like to drink myself into a coma at home if I've had a bad day at work. I hadn't had a drink since I started on the injectible meds in November, but now I'm officially off the wagon.

I’ve had a hard time reconciling drinking with trying to conceive. At this point I would never drink if I actually got pregnant. Not that I think a drink during pregnancy is so wrong, but after all I have been through I would not chance anything.

When we first started trying to conceive almost two years ago I stopped drinking completely. Back then I thought conceiving would be quick and painless. (Back when baby making sex was actually fun and my husband was the only man with current intimate knowledge of my vagina.) I didn’t want one drop of alcohol in my body affecting those dividing cells. I gave up the "no alcohol at all" rule after my miscarriage. Instead I would not drink from the time I had a positive ovulation test until the inevitable day when my period would come. Then I would usually have a "since-I'm-not-pregnant-I-may-as-well-drink-celebration" with a pitcher of margaritas...

Eventually I had to start living my life, and quite honestly at that point I wanted alcohol to be a part of that life. I couldn't take the "are you pregnant?" looks when I turned down a drink during my two week wait to see if I was pregnant. However, when I started injecting myself with medications to get pregnant it has seemed some how wrong to drink.

That is one thing that has been hard about this journey, not giving up drinking specifically, but having my life hijacked. I don’t plan overseas vacations because I might be pregnant. I turned down a great job offer which required moving because my husband and I would be separated for six months and I didn’t want to put off trying to conceive. I’ve planned nurseries and designed college savings plans, and thought of names, and figured out the timing for maternity leave. All for nothing. But on the bright side, at least I have wine to help pass the time.


'Murgdan' said...

*raises her glass to you*

Mary said...

I totally understand...I'm having a Corona right now. After SO long of TTC it gets a bit old and like you said you have to live your life. I'm currently living on the 'I don't drink after I ovulate' rule. But, when we first started TTC I was cutting it out completely and honestly, it really sucked.

Tara said...

I struggle with the same problem. I'm not sure what to do - but, sometimes a drink really makes it feel like you haven't given up your whole life just to TRY to get PG.

Cheers to you, sweetie!

Anonymous said...

"Here's to the past they can kiss my glass..."


Astrid said...

I love this post, it could have been my own. I am just shy of a family intervention myself but abstained during the TWWs before my m/c and now, after seven months of beta hell I am slowly approaching a time when I will get to TTC again. And I do NOT plan to put my life on hold this time around. Will I be a little more careful during those two weeks. Sure. Will I really alter any of my behavior? Not until I get a positive HPT or beta. And somehow between now and then I have to figure out how not to ruin my liver. Because nothing can drive you to the drink like the feeling that "I effing deserve it." And we do.

Meez said...

Hear hear! Its a inner struggle for people judge me because I can't get pregnant, but refuse to put my life on hold? A glass of wine? Is it wrong? There are lots of people who probably whisper..."if she's trying to get pregnant, why is she drinking?" People are so judgmental...and its ridiculous. I used to abstain during the I live my life, not hinging on "what if's".

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