Last year I didn't put up a Christmas tree. I just didn't feel like it after my first cancelled IVF cycle.
It's beginning to look a bit like Christmas around here.
I didn't really have a choice about putting up the tree; family Christmas is at my house this year. However, I also found that I really wanted to put up the tree this year. In fact I was looking forward to celebrating Christmas minus raw feelings from some fertility related disaster. I was looking forward to celebrating Christmas with a nice healthy scab over those feelings.
When I was a little girl I was never very good at leaving scabs alone. I would pick at the edges on one side, then pick at the edges on the other side. I'd try to stop myself, but the pull of a scab waiting to be picked was just too strong. Sometimes I'd pick too much. I'd pick past the point of no return and I'd have to pull the whole thing off revealing the raw unhealed skin underneath.
As much as I've been enjoying my infertility scab, today I picked. Today I received the protocol for my February cycle. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't ready for it. This cycle is sneaking up on me.
No more picking until after Christmas!