Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Picking at Scabs

Two years ago I didn't put up a Christmas tree. I just didn't feel like it after the miscarriage.

Last year I didn't put up a Christmas tree. I just didn't feel like it after my first cancelled IVF cycle.

This year...

It's beginning to look a bit like Christmas around here.

I didn't really have a choice about putting up the tree; family Christmas is at my house this year. However, I also found that I really wanted to put up the tree this year. In fact I was looking forward to celebrating Christmas minus raw feelings from some fertility related disaster. I was looking forward to celebrating Christmas with a nice healthy scab over those feelings.

When I was a little girl I was never very good at leaving scabs alone. I would pick at the edges on one side, then pick at the edges on the other side. I'd try to stop myself, but the pull of a scab waiting to be picked was just too strong. Sometimes I'd pick too much. I'd pick past the point of no return and I'd have to pull the whole thing off revealing the raw unhealed skin underneath.

As much as I've been enjoying my infertility scab, today I picked. Today I received the protocol for my February cycle. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't ready for it. This cycle is sneaking up on me.

No more picking until after Christmas!

21 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

Your tree looks beautiful.

I don't know how to heal the scabs quickly enough for the next thing to not hurt. I hope you can find a way.

IVF 40+ said...

Your tree does look lovely! Here's hoping the spirit of christmas does the healing for us all.
Thinking of you
EB

ASP said...

Falalalala! Enjoy Christmas and stop picking those scabs--you don't want to leave scars! They heal faster if you don't pick at 'em (at least that's what R says when I'm doing surgery on pimples) ;)

What's your next protocol looking like?

Michelle said...

Good for you! I haven't put up a Christmas tree in 4 years. It depresses me.

Your tree is BEAUTIFUL!

Mad Hatter said...

What a nice, big, fat, abundant tree! I wish you great abundance this cycle, my friend. From one scab picker to another.
Love,
Maddy

Logical Libby said...

Enjoy your holidays. And eat ANYTHING you want. You deserve it.

Amber said...

I am so glad to know that there are other girls out there refusing to put up Christmas trees some years. I just can't this year. But yours does look beautiful!!

the misfit said...

Your tree is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

Jendeis said...

The tree looks beautiful!

Bean stalk ballads said...

you have inspired me as i have put up my first tree this year and I will now have to upload a pic of it.,..

wait, what? said...

Beautiful tree!

strongblonde said...

i was the same way. last year i decided that i would put up a tree...but it was a 4 foot live tree that i decided to decorate with chocolate ornaments! i figured that if i was going to put it up, it may as well serve as a snack-dish of sorts for when i needed a chocolate pick-me-up! :)

this year we put the full tree up again. somehow it just seems to make it feel more festive and happy around here....despite all of the crap in the world and the family drama.

your tree looks awesome :)

xx

LaurenKauf said...

Hey I'm a scab picker too! This year, I'm not really feeling very Christmas'y, but I'm doing my best to get into the spirit! Glad you are finding that feeling again, and I wish a very happy holiday season!!

mybumpyjourney said...

It looks beautiful! February is going to be here before you know it girl! I am excited for you. I hope you can get your hope o meter to raise.

TeeJay said...

Your tree is beautiful! And I'm so glad you actually felt like putting it up. Good for you!

Renee said...

gorgeous tree.

nothing like family to push you into doing something that you may or may not have done on your own.

Hugs.

Unicorn Mommy

irrationalexuberance said...

looks fabulous, and I'm glad this year is -- so far -- easier for you. The cycle will come when it does, so just put the protocol on the shelf until January... you have time to pick after the new year.

projectbaby said...

OH MY GOSH I'm laughing - thanks for the good laugh. Even through these crazy ups/downs, glad to know we can still laugh - I'm notorious for picking scabs. If someone sitting next to me has a scab, I just stare at it cuz I feel like it's just begging me to pick it! My sisters hated me growing up - I've scarred them aparently. :) Good luck this cycle and thank you for sharing!

WannabeMommy said...

Love the tree!

Alice said...

That is one beautiful tree! I'm glad you're feeling a little more spirit this year. That can only help. Happy holidays!

Suzanne said...

I know how you felt two years ago. I'm not putting up a tree this year because after my miscarriage this year, I just don't have the desire to do it. But I'm so glad that you're feeling better and your tree looks beautiful!

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