I'm usually at work at seven so this is past my bedtime and I can't sleep. Here's the thought keeping me up tonight...
I find that as I get older my life is turning more grey. I'm not talking about my hair (although whoever told me that redheads go grey early was right. I've been hitting the dye bottle since I was twenty-five). Rather my life is turning more grey as opposed to black and white.
Black and white Megan had very defined ideas about starting a family. Cliched ideas about "letting nature take its course" and "what's meant to be is meant to be". I remember saying of IVF, "I would never do that. If it comes to that I just won't be a mother." Of course when it became clear that the course nature was taking would end with me NOT being a mother, those ideas started to grey.
For black and white Megan adoption was not an option. Adoption didn't seem like the right way for me to start a family. I remember saying of adoption, "I would never do that. If it comes to that I just won't be a mother." Of course when my fertility treatments started going off plan, this idea also started to grey.
My life has greyed in other non-infertility related areas as well. I really enjoy this part of getting older. I am less enamored of my wrinkles and my inability to bounce back after a night of drinking. I equate the greying of my life with gaining experience, gaining knowledge, gaining wisdom. I like to reflect on my old "rules" for how to live life. I'm amused at how many of those rules have gone straight out the window. It makes me wonder which rules are next on the chopping block.