Thursday, March 11, 2010

Time Time Time

Look over there ------------------------------------------------------->

I've been trying to get pregnant since 2007. Now I know many people have tried for so much longer, but this still sounds like a long time to me. I guess I ought to have an associate's degree in infertility. Imagine me, the overachiever not going for my bachelors or masters or even PhD.

It feels like all of my life experiences since 2007 revolve around infertility. I have been so focused on treatments that I can barely remember anything else from these years. If I think about it so many other things have happened.

I had three birthdays, three wedding anniversaries, and three Christmases. Notice I didn't say "celebrated". Because I didn't celebrate any of these holidays.

I went on a two week road trip vacation starting and ending in Toronto. We went to Niagara Falls, Maine, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, and Montreal in between. I got my period on that trip on a ferry ride to Nova Scotia. I also skipped vacation one year and went on a cheapo vacation to Hilton Head since we were spending so much money on prescription medications.

I turned down a transfer to Minneapolis for work because it was in the middle of the school year and Tony wouldn't be able to join me for six months. I turned it down because it's hard to make a baby when your husband is two states away. I also got promoted and fired someone for the first time.

I installed wood floors in my house, redid a bathroom, bought furniture, and painted several rooms. However, I never touched a thing in the "baby's room."

We both really thought Tony was going to lose his job for awhile. We were both really worried.

I bought a car and on Monday that car will be paid off.

I had my first surgery, first ultrasound, first acupuncture, first anesthesia, and first self administered shot. I understand how insurance works now.

I held Tony's kitty while the vet put him to sleep. I got a new puppy.

Things did not turn out the way I wanted, but there were a lot of changes. I didn't reach my goal, but I did have accomplishments.


Adam and Julia said...

nice....... i feel ya sister

LiL Moo & Mee said...

Here's to reaching that goal!!

Liz said...

It is difficult to lose sight of other things, but you've achieved a lot and I hope now you can start to celebrate other things more.

Sarah said...

we've been trying since jan 2007, i don't blog about infertility because i need something in my life that's not about having a baby, but i just wanted to say that i love your blog, i relate to so much to what you have to say. this is an unexpected and unwanted journey, but one day we'll see it's all been worth it. take care xoxo

areyoukiddingme said...

Just proof that life goes on, no matter what is weighing you down. You haven't even covered half of the things you've accomplished in the last 3 years...

Meg. said...

This post made me cry! (maybe it's the hormones)

IF is such a life-suck. Are you a fan of The Princess Bride? The line, "I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?" keeps running through my head.

But, at the same time, I am amazed by your strength. No matter what, you have persevered. You are more than your IF -- please, always remember this. *hugs*

Alex said...

Congratulations for making it through. You are a much stronger person that you were in 2007, I'm sure!

Kelley G said...

I happened to come up on your blog when I clicked "next blog" on a friend's blog. Wow-- Your writing is so poignant.
I lived through 4 years of infertility,2 IVF cycles and numerous IUIs.
We became parents in 1999 and 2002 through adoption.
I am now a nurse at the same fertility clinic that we went to for help.
Even though the treatments were not successful for us, I hope I can help my patients as I have been there/ done that. Thanks for your honesty! I wish you the best!

Monica said...

I think this post rings with universal truth in a lot of ways. We humans go through things - want things, lose things - and they really do become defining elements of our lives. You make decisions, do things, say things, behave in ways that all relate to that one thing that we want or lose. I've felt the same way these past few years, just sort of as though my whole identity has been taken over by my own KuKd experience. It's different from infertility in terms of logistics, but similar in a lot of ways. Anyway, thanks for this reflective and truthful post. Word.

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