Monday, March 9, 2009

Signs You Are With The Wrong RE

Sometimes when I think about my old RE I feel like a battered woman who has finally gotten out of an abusive relationship. (Not literally...obviously battered women have it much much worse than me.) I have no idea why I didn't ditch this guy sooner. I had a gut feeling that he was wrong from my second appointment. I think that staying with him seemed like the path of least resistance. I always thought that the next treatment would work and I would just suck it up, get pregnant, and then I would never have to see him again. I guess I was too lazy to start over somewhere else.

Here are some signs that you are going to the wrong RE:

1. After my Clomid Challenge test I was called and told I needed additional testing. I told the nurse that I would like to discuss the Clomid Challenge test results with the doctor first. When hubby and I went to that appointment to discuss test results, the results were not in my file. In fact, the results were not in the office and the lab had to be called. So this guy ordered more tests without even reviewing the tests he had already ordered. Also, while we waited for the test results to be faxed over, he opened his junk mail as we were sitting in his office. We never did have the additional testing he had ordered.

2. Before we went to this RE my husband had two semen analyses with his urologist. One came back with a count of 10 million and the other with a count of 9 million. Two weeks after the 9 million test hubby squeezed out another sample for the RE. His count came back 150 million plus. I had a long discussion with the head of the lab regarding the fact that this did not seem possible. He told me that he trusted his lab results and that the other lab was wrong...twice. When I asked him how this could be possible he explained that my husband probably felt more relaxed giving his sample in the RE's office and, thus, more sperm. He also told me that hubby needed more tests. We declined. After all, if his count was over 150 million why do more testing? (Note: After the RE's results hubby's urologist sent him to a different lab for an independent semen analysis that was 11 million.)

3. A week after my first IVF cycle was cancelled for OHSS, I was in the RE's office for an ultrasound to make sure that my ovaries weren't exploding. As I was paying and checking out there was a patient checking in who was obviously there for an embryo transfer. My RE walked over to me, put his arm around me and proceeded to tell me about how this woman was so tall and was a basketball coach, blah, blah, blah. At that point, as I'm sure you can relate, I could have given two sh*ts about some woman who was there to have a transfer.

4. My old RE does not do weekends. When I went into the office to start IVF cycle #2 there were signs posted saying that the office was now to be closed on Tuesdays as well. So I guess you need to time your retrieval and transfer on one of the four days a week that he works.

5. After the nurse called to cancel cycle #2, the doctor called later to confirm that my cycle was cancelled because he wasn't sure if the nurse had called. Then he proceeded to tell me that he felt I needed counseling because I was asking questions about why I did not get the additional monitoring I requested after my first cancelled cycle.

I realize that sharing these stories makes me look really foolish, but I'm hoping to share it as a cautionary tale. Go with your gut. If something doesn't feel right...move on, even if you have to start over with a new doctor. It's OK, even if you lose a few months you will gain in the end.

If anyone lives in the Midwest and wants to know my old RE's name, leave your email address and I will email you.

I had my phone consult with a new RE today. I am currently processing the conversation, but on the whole it was good.


Anonymous said...

Yep, he definately sounds like a quack to me. Sorry you had to go through with this.

Anonymous said...

You do NOT look foolish! We don't know until it happens to us if its right or wrong.

The plus here is that you know what NOT to expect from an RE so that if it happens again you know its WRONG.

The plus is you LEFT him.

The plus is you know exactly WHAT to expect from a good RE.

I am glad you shared your experience for you may help another woman who is unsure if this is "right or not"

Good luck!!!

s.e. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GeekByMarriage said...

I could just strangle this asshat for causing you so much delay and pain.

Onward and upward to a better RE!

kirke said...

I was nervous when you mentioned the Midwest, but then I remembered that I've only seen my RE I knew it couldn't be him....he lets the nurses do all the heavy lifting.

I'm so glad that you are seeing a new RE. It feels like a fresh start.

Carrie said...

Trust me, you don't look foolish! We are made to believe our docs will take care of us, so we trust them completely.

I am so sorry you've had all this heartbreak. I hope RE #2 is the one! Can't wait to hear about your consult with him.


Anonymous said...

it's so crazy how different REs can be!! I can't even imagine having no hours on weekends!!!

glad you're leaving them in the dust.

Erica said...

I left my RE (a very reputable hospital/clinic in PA) and it was the best decision I ever made! I'm with you - I kept avoiding the switch, because I felt like I didn't want to lose more time, start again, blah blah blah. But, ultimately, we have to think of our own sanity among everything else.

I'm happy that you are changing your situation - at least the part of your situation that you CAN control!

GINA and KEV said...

I am in the midwest, and your experiences sound similar to some experiences I had with an RE. I, too, have moved on to a new RE, but would be interested to know if you're talking about my old doc. You can email me at
Thanks and best of luck to you!!!

HaleyMarieOlson said...

I'm glad you had a good consult with your new doc...I do live in the Midwest, and just for curiosity's sake, I would like to hear who your old doc was, just because we had a horrible experience with an RE as well, and I would love to know if it was the same practice...


areyoukiddingme said...

I think it's really hard to take charge of your health care - you don't feel educated enough. Eventually, you get enough experience and can be your own advocate. I'm in the midwest and am curious to know who this joker

Anonymous said...

YOU are not the foolish one, what a quack! I am outraged by that kind of behavior. This makes the whole octuplet thing seem more plausible - idiot REs are apparently rampant.

I am not in the midwest, and don't need to know this wackos name, but I would love it if you tallied the results of how many readers had your same RE - if you just post it in your blog that would be great.

Really hoping the new RE is a good fit. Love the graphic (graphic indeed!)

Liz said...

Sounds like a nightmare! But it can be very intimidating with Doctors and make you feel like you are being the over-anxious neurotic one if you question what they are doing. Good on you for changing.

I would be tempted to talk to your new Re ad tell him/ her why you left your last one - just so they know you won't put up with any more shit.

Anonymous said...

how is he closed three days a week?? if isn't a four day a week thing. i'm glad you're getting a new re. this guy sounds like a quack.

Leslie Laine said...

I can totally relate. We had to switch REs as well, and it was a painful decision, although one I'm so glad we made.

Anonymous said...

I've been on the fence for a few weeks about my own RE. I have no problem with the RE herself, actually, it's her nursing staff. So far, I just can't bring myself to leave. I fear the next one might be worse, and the next one's the only other one within 100 miles (I think). Good for you though- brave decision to leave the evil RE, and I am happy that the new RE is working out.

Shinejil said...

A good RE not only works weekends, s/he returns your calls to the answering service by saying "call me anytime." The staff is competent, empathetic and kind, and any problem is explained and dealt with efficiently.

If we're paying out the nose to get knocked up, we deserve some decent service. You weren't foolish at all: you made the right move to dump the loser.

Here's hoping your new RE is excellent and compassionate.

Mary said...

I would let your new RE know about all of the issues with the last asshole as well. Well, I guess it's best that the last cycle got cancelled and now you can be in the care of someone who actually knows what they are doing. Don't feel aren't the one who should feel foolish at all.

Anonymous said...

You definitely don't sound foolish. I'm so glad that you found someone else. I hope you feel strong and speak up if you feel uncomfortable with anything. Good luck with your new RE.

Chelle said...

We went through "obstacles" like this with my first OB. It does make us feel foolish, but we aren't. It actually infuriates me to know that there are people in the medical profession, people that we are supposed to trust, that string us along like this.

Hoping that the new RE is a good one!

Anonymous said...

Oh the 20/20 vision that only hindsight provides us!!!! I have not had that experience with my RE, but ever so foolishly went to my REG ob/gyn for my second round of TTC since I thought I knew what the magic formula was. I got outta there when I ended up with a uterine infection after my IUI.

I'm adding you to my blogroll if that's ok!!


barrenisthenewblack said...

You don't sound foolish! I'm glad you've moved on, and I have high hopes for the new RE.
I'm not in the midwest at the moment, but a move is casually discussed at our house, and it would be to the middle of the country. I actually think I've picked an RE if I end up moving. G-d I'm type A:)

Would you mind sharing your area of the midwest with me?

barrenisthenewblack at gmail

PS-it will be much easier to stalk you if you tell me your state! Kidding!

Anonymous said...

Oh, sweetie.....I am so sorry.... Talk about a bedside manner! My RE is an intelligent, compassionate doc... He's also smart. All of us frustrated, hormone-driven women are not ones to play around with.

Here's to the new RE!

Anonymous said...

i'm in the Midwest, and would love your Re's name. Want to make sure I'm not at the same one. :-D
My email address is:

My blog is:

Thanks. :-D

ap said...

Was reading through your older posts and came across this one. Would you consider posting, even anonymously to share this experience?


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