Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Concentration

Does everyone else have a hard time concentrating on one thing for any length of time at this point in an IVF cycle? I'm going to write this post "bullet point style" because I can only think in bullet points these days.



  • Tonight I slept through the night for the first time in two weeks. I have no idea what was on TV at 3am this morning and that feels good.


  • Today I get my annual performance review at work. I'm glad the RE wants to do a five day transfer else I would not have been at work today which would have been difficult to explain. I have not told my boss that I am cycling again. The way this cycle has worked out I don't think I will have to tell. I am going to call in sick tomorrow and I already had Friday scheduled off. It is such a blessing to know that I won't have to tell my boss that I failed to get pregnant or that I succeeded but had an early miscarriage (if that happens). I feel like I have a little privacy back like a normal person.

  • I got a little snippy with Tony last night. He keeps referring to our transfer as an "implantation". He also asked me last week if he had to be at the appointment for the retrieval. Sometimes his lack of knowledge of this whole IVF process is so irritating and makes me feel like I am going through this alone (except for you guys). Sometimes I am bitter that he has the luxury of being oblivious to everything while I am analyzing every symptom in my body minute by minute. Also this is his last official day of work before summer break (he is a middle school guidance counselor). I won't even open THAT can of worms.

  • Tomorrow is Tony and my wedding anniversary. We are both really stressed out. We have been talking a lot about adoption. It doesn't feel like a time to celebrate.

  • Due to our anniversary we are going on a trip this weekend. Tony planned the whole trip as a surprise to me. We were so excited about this trip two months ago. Now if the transfer happens I won't be able to use the double jacuzzi tub in the hotel room, sex is out, and I will be too nervous to get any spa treatments or do too much walking around the quaint mountain town. If the transfer doesn't happen I plan on being drunk all weekend.


  • I have mixed feelings about doing a five day transfer. In a way I am hopeful that the doctor must feel pretty confident that there will be something left to transfer on day five else he would have done a day three transfer. I also keep telling myself that if the embryos aren't normal I would rather find out in the petri dish in two days than find out two weeks later with a BFN. However, if I don't have anything to transfer I will of course be crushed.


  • Thanks for all the support and encouragement of my embies. Reading your comments has been such a comfort.

27 comments:

BB said...

I am praying that your embies keep growing and you have a successful ET! I hope that you receive a beautiful anniversary gift 2 weeks from now (ET)!

A Few Good Sperm said...

Don't feel bad, I got pissed at my husband for using the "implantation" word as well. And that was on IVF #2! He didn't understand why that made me so mad. Men!

Good luck with your transfer! I have high hopes for you!

Melissa said...

Woot for not having to tell your boss about this :) Woot for 4 day weekend!

I hope the ET goes better than expected and gives you a BFP & a healthy baby in 9 months :)

Lou said...

Take care of yourself. I'm totally cheering you on over here. Cheers to good results! If anything, the trip will be a great moment for both of you to regroup and just "be" a couple. Sometimes we need those moments.
Hugs!

Nic said...

Hope the ET goes well. I am sorry your DH is not being very supportive. I think they have a hard time fully understanding sometimes. Enjoy your weekend away the best you can, even if it just means relaxing and spending time with your DH. It will take your mind off things, even if its just for a short while.

Sarah said...

It is so frustrating that some people get to be so oblivious to the things we have to deal with. Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world doesnt it?

We're here for you sweetie.

Hugs!

Xillary said...

Hopefully the trip will make time fly a little bit and take your mind off of everything too. Hoping you have a wonderful transfer!

Bluebird said...

I get what you're saying - fuses are short, I'm sure! Hope you're somehow able to still enjoy your weekend (and happy anniversary!) Thinking of you. . .

areyoukiddingme said...

Husbands...sigh...oh, to live in the land of oblivion... And how rude of him to get the summer off too! Of course, I'm not willing to work with children in order to get that life.

I hope transfer goes well, and that you have a lovely weekend in spite of everything. It sounds like you need some time to relax.

Happy Anniversary...

Just me said...

My husband is the same way. When he had to have his 2nd SA done, I literally had to give him a list of who to call, what to ask for, and what to do. He is completely clueless about how much is involved this whole process. *sigh*

Hope everything goes well!!!

Valerie said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping you have a sweet embryo (or two) to transfer tomorrow!

MissMVK said...

This is my first time commenting but I wanted to say I totally understand your frustration with your husband's lack of knowledge of the IVF process. I could've written the SAME thing about mine when we were going through IVF! Usually their cluelessness is endearing, but not when it comes to IVF. ;)

Wishing you all the best!!! I am excited to follow your journey.

Shinejil said...

Implantation misuse is a sure-fire way to get my goat, too. And it stings from your partner, who's supposed to be backing you on this, if not running the race at your side.

Hoping the trip is more fun than it seems at the moment...

IF Optimist, then... said...

As my transfer is scheduled for today, I also can only think in bullet points, so here goes.

* Yay for sleeping through the night. I have been waking up twice a night to pee and I'm not even pregnant. Grrrrr

* I'm glad that your work schedule and cycle schedule are resolving well so you can keep your privacy.

* I think it would be funny if you gave him pop quizzes. Aaaaannnnnd go!

* Happy anniversary. It sounds like a good time to leave everything else out of your head and just enjoy being in love. Use the jacuzzi with lukewarm water, protect the hoo-ha. There are a lot of sexy things you can do without *ahem*. Have a good time, you deserve it.

* Sending you lots of positive energy for your 5 day transfer. Go little embies!

* Lots of virtual hugs.

Hope said...

Love the bullets - very easy to read! Good luck with the transfer. I really hope it works!! I hope you have a good time no matter how you spend your trip!

'Murgdan' said...

Bullets are good. Bullets are good. Whatever it takes at this point. Hang in there...and happy anniversary.

I hope you can't get in that jacuzzi, or any jacuzzi, for a long, long time.

womb for improvement said...

Happy Anniversary.

I hope that you have a lot to celebrate and the celebration is only lubricated by non-alcoholic beverages.

Tara said...

I think we are living the same life...Our anniversary is the 12th and we are going to the beach. But, I'll be in the 2ww and don't see much celebrating going on...more like constant nail biting. 5 day transfer here, too. First time with a blast.

Here's hoping with you, babe.

barrenisthenewblack said...

my word verification was splacery, which is very close to spacey, which is pretty much my middle name lately. This has to be a good omen for you:) (not because I know about omens, more because I think it is funny).

Happy anniversary. The stress is understandable, and I think it would be disingenous to my entire being to tell you to "go out and enjoy it!" given your circumstances, but I hope you and Tony are able to celebrate in some way and take some time together.

As to the whole , he's disconnected from what I'm going through-well, Honey Bee is realy empathetic, but sometimes I still want to throttle him and jab his entire body with FSH injections and make him get a camera dildo in any manner possible. Not to minimize your feelings, on the contrary, you are entitled to them. Would you consider asking him to do something for you? Do you love art and would appreciate a complaint free museum trip? Does he cook? Do you have a favorite restaurant he doesn't love? I realize these are kind of lame, but hopefully you get my intent. For me, it goes a long way when I feel like Honey Bee is looking out for my needs and acknowledging that I'm taking one for the team.

Caroline said...

Hi Megan,

I have been thinking of you. Like you, we have had a low number of eggs/embryos which has been a bit discouraging. But it was better than my last cycle in which I couldn't even create a decent embryo. So the way I am looking at it is that even if this cycle doesn't work out, at least we know it is possible to create an embryo which gives us some hope for the future.
And you never know what is around the corner. Your lead embryo sounds like it is doing very well, and the others may also pick up.
Hugs to you on this rollercoaster ride. x

musicmakermomma said...

Glad you got some sleep last night - that has to help some. I know just what you mean about the luxury of being oblivious during the cycle, my DH has NO CLUE what is going on. When I say I wish he would take a more interested role, he says he figures I'll tell him what to do when. Argh.

Hope your review went well, that must be stressful to have that during all this other stress! I think it is a good sign that you're going for the 5 day transfer, looking forward to hearding all about it (after your anniversary weekend of course!) It is nice that Tony planned the whole weekend, (my DH would never think of that!)hopefully you will be able to have some nice chillin out time while the embies cook!

hope4joy said...

Happy Anniversary. Hopefully you will enjoy your weekend. I am rooting for you and hope your transfer goes really well. Have fun this weekend!

Aisha said...

love and prayers!

Jennifer said...

((Super Hugs))
Happy Anniversary!! My anniversary is on the 4th as well :)
I am praying for ya'll

Michelle said...

Good Luck with your transfer and I hope you have a great weekend.

PS I tagged you on my blog.

strongblonde said...

happy anniversary!! i really hope that things work out and you get to go ahead with the trip and just relax!! :)

xoxo

SS said...

Hi, here from LFCA. I am hoping you have a couple of good embryos to transfer today. Best of luck to you-

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