On the way to work several months ago I was listening to NPR. The story was about a man whose family was exiled from Libya in the seventies. In exile his father was arrested by Egyptian intelligence officers and extradited back to Libya. He and his family are pretty sure that his father is dead after all these years, but don't really have definitive prove if he is alive or dead.
So he always lives with a bit of hope.
The man went on to say that he was once in Ireland and met a woman whose father was lost at sea decades ago and never seen again, presumed (but not confirmed) dead. He felt as though he had a shared experience with this woman. They understood each other.
She always lives with a bit of hope too.
He went on to describe the misery of hope. Generally we think of hope as a good thing.
All hope is not lost.
As long as you still have hope...
Keep hope alive.
But hope can be a bad thing too. Hope can prevent you from moving on. Hope can prevent you from having closure.
If you are still reading here, I am still alive. I am healing and moving on with my life post-fertility treatments. I still have hope.
More to come...
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22 comments:
Glad to hear from you! I used to be DAVS and then LC but moved blogs a while back. I agree that hope can always be there...which is why post adoption we surgically nixed it. It was surreal but personally---for myriad reasons--we didn't want it lingering.
Keep the updates coming!
I understand the down side of hope. Gives you new perspective on Pandora and her box...
Good to hear from you here again.
Megan!!! So wonderful to see you post! I completely, completely get this. So well said. I have often said to Will that I almost wish it were hopeless because then we could grieve and move on to our next step. The in-between place is a terrible place to be.
I really hope there is more to come - I always have loved reading your thoughts.
Mo
I agree with the hope being good...and bad. Especially with IF. A false sence of hope can hold you back and delay you from moving into something new...whatever that may be.
So good to hear from you! In fact, I was wondering how you were and so took a look at your other craft blog. It seems you have been very productive (and from a decidedly not crafty person, that's very impressive!)
I understand completely the dark side of hope -- as Mo writes above, sometimes you just wish there wasn't any at all so that you could move on. But whatever you are doing and feeling, we are here to support you and have missed you!
It's good to hear from you Megan. Very well said. Hope with IF is especially tricky....it can keep you treading water for longer than you have any desire to be/should be....
I too hope there is more to come, I've missed you!
It's good to hear from you. I agree, hope is good and bad at the same time. My hope for you is that you can continue to heal and move on in a positive way. I can't wait to hear more from you.
SO great to see an update from you. Well said, hope is a tricky thing - to say the least.
Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Hi Megan.
Great to read your update.
Yes, hope is funny that way...both positive and frustrating.
Wishing you all the best for 2012.
Valerie
It's so great to see a post from you. And I totally get that hope is not always a positive force. The title of my blog comes from my adopted motto "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and expect the unexpected" - the last part of that was the easiest, I found.
I heard the NPR segment you write about, and I thought his point was very well taken.
So good to "hear" from you! I am glad to hear you are healing.
Megan, I have just started reading your blog and your journey has been remarkable. I'm in the early stages of my journey but I want to tell you that when the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." I know this is easier said than done but do not give up, you may need to take a different path, but it is marathon and not a race. God Bless xx
Ps. If anyone would like to follow my journey, pls visit www.conceivingbabyojo.blogspot.com
I just started out.
Lovely post Megan I do think that the death of hope would indeed be a good thing sometimes for me. Moving on is easier when there's no going back. And it's torturous to wonder every single month.
I'm glad you're doing ok though and that you're healing and crafting busily.
x
It's good to hear from you!
Welcome back! I've been wondering how you are getting on. Need more!
Welcome back! Looking forward to hearing more about your journey...where ever you may be!!!
Megan! THANKS for this. I'm sorry I had to post on the other blog. It's just that sometimes I need to hear what you think...
How is it possible, that even post treatment, post actively TTC, there is still that possibility? When rationally you know it's not going to happen. Hope can be cruel; optimisim can lead you to spend thousands of dollars more, take years more of life, and lead you farther away from healing.
And what is healing? Is it not having to leave a family event when a new pregnancy is announced? Is it no longer having to remove yourself from baby/child events? Does it ever get to the point where you don't feel responsible for the path your marriage has taken because of your body's failures?
I thought that once we were done it was over. And a year + later, I'm still dealing with the aftermath. If someone knows what kills hope, can you send me some?
So nice to see a new post from you! I wondered if you would ever post again on this blog. I'm looking forward to more to come and cheering you on whatever direction you go.
I listened to a similar story maybe it was the same one. But what I remember this person saying is something to the effect that sometimes hope is really hard to keep living, and it's easier to just live in the moment, if that makes any sense... Good to see you back!
Megan! I am so glad you posted. I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are. It's good to hear from you.
Belatedly adding my voice to the chorus: so good to see you posting again!
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