Wednesday, October 28, 2009

To Do or Not To Do

Reasons to Do Another IVF (with my eggs)

1. It would be relatively cheap (just cost of meds @ ~$4k) compared to other options.
2. I’ve attempted four times, but really only made it all the way through once. Is it too soon to quit?
3. Still have just enough insurance coverage for one more try (see number one). Is this a sign?
4. Last time my cycle was so great (except for lack of pregnancy or baby), maybe we just had bad luck at the end?
5. I have always felt in my heart that it would take two tries. See number two.
6. One more chance to see if our child would end up with my red hair or Tony’s blonde hair.
7. It could work.

Reasons Not To Do Another IVF (with my eggs)

1. Save the four grand and apply it to a donor egg cycle.
2. Might not make it to retrieval (past experience indicates a 50% chance of not making it).
3. Might not make it to transfer (past experience indicates a 75% chance of not making it).
4. Every cycle is different and I might not stimulate as well in a future cycle.
5. All evidence points to the fact that Tony and I make crap embryos that can’t develop into fetuses; blighted ovum, cancelled transfer, no embryos to freeze, no chemical pregnancies or miscarriages for years.
6. Cycling has become very difficult emotionally. Can’t imagine how difficult it would be to cycle knowing that this would be the last time.
7. It could fail.


JB said...

I have the same (mental) list and am mulling it over every day, leading up to my second opinion RE consult next week. Donor egg would be so much easier, even if more expensive, because we could stop worrying about my crap response to stimulation. But then I think, am I giving up too soon? Could random shit luck explain why we are 0 for 2? And what if we happen to get the random anonymous donor who ALSO has crap response to stimulation? And what about our low fertilization rate from crap sperm? Too many what-if's to draw any logical conclusions.

For what it's worth, I am leaning toward one more cycle with the new RE, then go down the CCRM versus donor egg path. (The amount of money this is, and may continue, bleeding from us is staggering. And that's WITH insurance.) But I feel like one last cycle before a major strategy shift would give me some peace that I did everything I could to make it work prior to throwing in the towel on my gene pool.

Anonymous said...

A nasty choice to have to make, and I'm sorry you're faced with having to make it. Whatever you decide to do, be easy with yourself. I'm thinking of you.

areyoukiddingme said...

I can tell you what I would do, but that's not helpful. Instead, I will wish you luck with your decision.

Logical Libby said...

Flip a coin. I am not being sarcastic. You know what you want to do, even if it doesn't seem clear. When you flip a coin, you take the decision making away, and help make it clearer. If you are happy with the results of the coin flip, then you know that option is what you wanted. If you aren't and you want to slip again, then you know you really wanted the alternate option.

nurslouisa said...

Hi Megan-
We miss you over in "high fsh" ville but I understand, what do you write about when your in "limbo land"? I'm not sure if you are looking for feedback on if to try again with your own eggs or not but I'm going to weigh in on this. I think you should try again. The 2 most compelling reasons to me is 1. you and your DH's age 2. Your response to your last cycle--it sounds like you are with a good RE and this was the 1st and only time you made it to transfer--you didn't make it to transfer with some sad poorly developed embies but "2 beautiful blasts". Lots of people don't get pregnant with the 1st full round of IVF. I'm very hopeful that someday soon this difficult journey will be behind you and you and Tony will be parents.

Finn's Mom said...

I'm waffling with the exact same thing. I've pretty much decided on another IVF with my own crappy eggs because it's covered by insurance and my RE talked me into it. However, I have no faith it'll work -- I have a different problem than you, though I am a horribly poor responder, I usually do eke out a good embie (whether thru IVF or naturally) but so far all of those embies have later resulted in m/c.

None of these decisions are easy. It's pretty sucky to go into IVF without that shining beacon of hope that IVF#1 may have brought us. I don't think you can make a wrong decision here, both have many pros. It sounds to me like your really want to give your own egg IVF one more try, and in the scheme of things $4k isn't a whole lot. But, of course, that's easy for me to say -- it's so much more about emotions than money, I know. GL making your decision!

irrationalexuberance said...

I wish I could point you in the direction that's right for you, but I think that only you and your DH can do that. I fundamentally think that you should go with your gut instinct, which is why I agree with Libby -- you will know what you want to do by how you feel about the coin flip result. Good luck with your decision.

Heather said...

I wish I had answers for you. You and DH know what feels right and I agree that your gut is usually right.

Are you still considering immune testing? Maybe that will give you more information with which to make a decision.

It just sucks that something so natural to most is so fucking hard for us. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, this is all so hard. Praying that the right decision comes to you...
P.S. check out my blog for an award nom ;-)

Kate said...

What Logical Libby said. The coin flip really helps you figure out what your gut wants.
I kind of think that 9 retrieved and 2 good blasts was pretty decent, and that it was just bad stats at the end. But that's what I would do, not necessarily what's right for you. And sadly, there are no guarantees either way.
Good luck with the decision-making.

Jendeis said...

Here with you. Wishing you strength for the decisions ahead and peace with whatever you decide. Hugs!

Transplant said...

I have been following your blog for a while (linked through "Redefining..."), and I am so grateful for it. Sometimes I feel like I am looking at a mirror! ("Obsessed with retirement planning"--Hello!)

Anyway, I am in exactly the same place as you now (though older, I think!)--wondering about **one more IVF** before taking the DE route. I recently took the plunge and I am gearing up for the IVF, even though it will probably be OOP and a DE cycle would be (will in the future) covered!

Thanks for your blog!!

Michelle M

Eb said...

Oh blimey. Tough one. Melissa gave me some great advice. Write your options on seperate peices of paper. Put them in a hat and pick one. Before you open the paper listen to your hearts desire.
go with your heart.

All the best.
Which ever one you go with I'll be here with you too.

Mad Hatter said...

Is it just me or does the first list look more hopeful and attractive than the second list? I know this is a huge and difficult decision, but you appear to have already made it in the way you wrote those pros and cons.

Mo said...

Ah, Megan. No advice - just impressed that you've thought it out so well. will either path lead to the least regret? We're hesitantly headed to CCRM mostly just to be 100% sure we didn't skip anything important, given how importnt this is to us.

I feel for you. I feel that you and I are in similar (crappy) places these days. All the way down to getting puppies to sublimate our love onto.


Melissa G said...

So many great answers already. AND I agree with the Madd Hatter's comment!

But if it were me, I would probably ask my RE from a clinical standpoint, which option is more likely to lead to a baby. And I'd go that route.

Tough choice, hon. But I can honestly say I don't think you'll regret either one.

Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Very tough choices! Would your insurance pay for a donor egg cycle too? Just a thought. I don't know what to tell you, but I will be with you all the way.

Unknown said...

Megan, I miss you too in High FSH-ville! Please come back!!! I think it is a no-brainer. You got to use your own eggs as long as you have them and you can afford to do it. I know it is heart-wrenching to continually fail (been there, done that) but you are always going to wonder, what if only we tried one more time. I also think you have to make it to retrieval and transfer a few times before throwing the towel in. Most of the High FSH gals had 4 to 5 tries before success.

Anonymous said...

That is a difficult choice. It does sound to me a little like you are leaning towards the first option. Like you said, you really only made it all the way through once. And $4,000 isn't all that much money to do a final cycle with your eggs for closure, to know you have done everything you can.
Good luck with this decision. I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome, either way you go. Many hugs to you.

Oh, and your puppy is heartbreakingly adorable! So cute!

Liz said...

I know its even at 7 points each, but you must have a gut feeling. Best of luck, whatever your decision.

tireegal68 said...

I wish you lots of luck with your decision. It's really hard to wonder and second guess yourself:) I agree with what a lot of the others have said about actually making the decision.
FWIW I am about to do a cycle with donor eggs after only one failed IVF ( never got any follicles after high dose meds aged 40). Both my original doc and the second opinion doc ( who I am now with and really happy with) told me it was basically a waste of time to try with my eggs. But I am old, and you are in your early thirties - although it seems your IF is not linked to age.
My one bit of good news regarding donor eggs for you is if by some fluke, the donor does not respond to meds and produces no eggs or very few, you can stop the cycle at any time before retrieval and you only owe for the meds and the stimualation part. Of course it would be a huge emotional let down,but the odds of that happening are quite low. For us that means we would owe for meds ( well just co-pays with insurance because we got really lucky!) and $1000 paid to the donor for time and inconvenience thus far. So yes, it's still an emotional roller coaster doing DE but the big money only really kicks in when you give the go ahead for retrieval and you will know how many follies she has before then so you can make an informed decision.
The other thing is you can also pick a donor who has done a cycle before so you know that the success rate is good. Having said that, we had the very unfortunate situation of having two donors get cancelled due to really unusual circumstances - one got malaria and the other had to have emergency surgery.
Sorry to waffle, but just wanted to give you lots of information in case that would help you with your decision:)

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