Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Ovary Monologues

No one has ever really asked me where I came up with the name of this blog.  It's not my name.  I didn't make it up.  Early in my career as an infertile there was one particular nurse who would show me to the exam room and say, "You know the drill; bottoms off and on the table."  It stuck with me.  She was so nonchalant about the whole thing; the whole thing being showing your vagina to a stranger.  Of course eventually taking my pants off because the normal course of business.  I almost absentmindedly disrobed at the dentist office once.

If I had to rename my blog today I would call it "The Ovary Monologues."  Of course when this blog started I didn't know that my ovaries would cause so much trouble.  I didn't think of my ovaries much at all.  In sixth grade I learned about them in a sex education class.  Over the years I didn't think of them much after that.  I thought about my uterus when I had cramps or when I imagined a baby inside.  I thought about my vagina (no comments there).  My ovaries were ignored.  Totally neglected.  Abandoned.  Overlooked.  A non thought.

I remember the first time I saw them.  They were bountiful and luscious and full of follicles.  I was so proud.  Then I found out they were too bountiful, too luscious, and my cycle was cancelled.  I was disappointed, but still proud. 

Shortly there after everything changed.  My ovaries failed me.  They failed to produce the proper quantity of follicles.  They failed to produce the proper quality of eggs. 

They

failed

me.

It was a total blindside.  These little thought of organs suddenly took center stage.  They were ruining my life. 

I haven't seen my ovaries for months now.  I'm making peace with them.  They just couldn't do what I wanted them to do.  That's just the way it is. 

15 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

I don't think we should ever really have to think about our ovaries.

I'm glad to hear that you're making peace with those trying little organs...

RELH said...

I just renamed my blog recently. You could always do that. Or, maybe make one or the other the subtitle. I love both of the titles!

It's good to hear fromy ou!

TeeJay said...

I know what you mean. The first time I saw my ovaries was when I learned I had a cyst causing me pain. It's what sparked my whole TTC journey. Then I saw them again years later and thought how great they were making follicles for me with wonderful eggs. Not so much. I'm coming to peace with my ovaries, too. I'm glad you are.

musicmakermomma said...

Yeah, I've always kind of hated my ovaries. When I thought of them at all. Of course, they did produce one good egg almost 10 years ago so I guess I'm at peace with them, but I hate everyone else's ovaries too, after trying with DE for nearly 5 years now...

irrationalexuberance said...

I've always loved your blog title -- I knew exactly what it meant, and had nurses say the same thing to me!

I never gave any thought to ovaries, uterus, tubes -- any of the inside parts. But then I did, and I felt betrayed by my body. Because they should have no will of their own, they are MINE and I should be running the show, but alas, not always the case. I'm glad that you have made peace with yours -- I'm still feeling kinda pissed of and raw about how MY body jerked ME over.

Roccie said...

I find personal ovaries highly overrated.

I prefer to contract out for my eggs.

Melissa G said...

Good to hear from you. Crappy ovaries and all.

AmyG said...

Two great blog names!

I hope your other body parts are doing their job, at least.

supposedtobemysymphony said...

Ha! I have to do a double check to figure out where I am before I take off my pants. I'm terrified I'm going to disrobe inappropriately at an eye appt!

Then again, for our first IUI, my husband looked at me funny when I started to take off my pants. He was like, "you know, they didn't tell you to do that." I told him to trust me that I knew the drill and she would expect me to be on the table when she came in. The nurse laughed when I told her my husband thought I was jumping the gun and said that she just assumed by now everyone knew the drill.

I can totally relate to your feelings about your ovaries. Mine used to operate like clockwork and now all of a sudden they are screwing me. What did I ever do to them?

Augusta said...

I'm with Roccie. Currently trying to contract out eggs. My ovaries are barely seen on a vaginal ultrasound. They never worked, ever, in the history of this 36-year-old body.

I'm sorry your ovaries failed you. I'm glad you are making peace with them. (and maybe yourself?)

strongblonde said...

two tiny little organs, but they cause so much trouble, don't they?? i often want to kick myself for all of the time/energy/money i spent on birth control pills. now i know that i never probably ovulated.

glad to hear from you. :)

lastchanceivf said...

I don't think about mine much anymore...except when ovulation hurts and then I'm like "oh yeah, there's that familiar ovary pain." Otherwise, they're just there, kind of useless, but whatever. I'm so over my ovaries! Ha.

Willow said...

My lame ovaries have totally failed me too. Premature ovarian failure (now we're supposed to say "insufficiency" to make us feel better or something, but really, it's a failure) just plain sucks. It is weird having to spend a lot of time thinking out (and crying about, in my case anyway) internal organs. I like the new blog name idea--but I like the current one, too :)

nurslouisa said...

I think it's a good thing to make peace with your body, as we get older unfortunately there will be other parts that let as down as well. I wish you the best of luck and always look forward to your posts.

T.Brown said...

I hope everything turns out okay. I enjoy reading your posts.

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