My husband has mentioned to me more than once that he thinks we will be one of those couples who tries and tries to have a baby and then gets pregnant naturally. When he says this I look at him like he has three heads and explain to him all the reason why that would be ridiculous. But he keeps bringing it up. Which makes me think that he really must believe it.
I was diagnosed with PCOS and then undiagnosed.
I had a high FSH reading of 14.
I tested positive for elevated natural killer cells.
He was diagnosed with a varicocele and then undiagnosed.
He has low sperm count and low motility.
He tested with lowish testoterone.
We retrieved forty six eggs that turned into twenty two embryos and transferred five blasts. None of those made it to freeze or fetus.
We no longer have sex regularly.
Oh yeah, and an ultrasound technician once told me that I have a tilted uterus...great.
These are not the ingredients for a "natural miracle".
Still, in my quest to not be done with hope I have considered taking up baby making sex again. Then I start to think, "Well, with everything working against us it would be best to know when I am ovulating...at least give us a fighting chance." But I worry that if I know when I ovulated, I will know when to test for pregnancy. I will know when to start hoping and praying and watching for symptoms. Next thing you know I am leaving work on my lunch hour to buy pregnancy tests that I pee on in the bathroom at the grocery store.
Sort of like those evolution posters, but in reverse...
Suddenly harmless baby making sex starts to sound less "relaxing" and more like a gateway activity leading me back to major heartache. I'm worried about becoming an addict again.