I Hate Christmas

I decided not to post anything about the holidays before the holidays because I didn't want to further bum anyone out who was already kinda bummed out.

I hate Christmas.

Well, maybe I don't hate it, I just don't care for it.  Christmas is just....meh.  Why?

I have no children.  This is stating the obvious.  Christmas is such a child centric holiday and I just feel left out most of the time.  I also have no nieces or nephews to dote on (although I'm still unsure if I will be able to muster the grace to dote on nieces or nephews when that time comes)

I don't get any presents.  My family has evolved from presents to trading names to trading gift cards to nothing.   We decided that spending time together was more important than gifts.  The only problem is that we forgot that we really don't enjoy each other's company that much.

I hate the coworker-gift-dance-of-awkwardness.  It's obvious to me that some folks enjoy buying gifts for their coworkers.  I'm just not into it.  If you get me a gift, then I have to run out and get you a gift.  I hate it when someone gives me a gift and I haven't gotten them anything.  Gift giving at the office is like orgasms.  It's best when it happens simultaneously.

I think that the best I can say about the holidays is that they are over and I survived.  I hope you did too!

thoughts on hope

On the way to work several months ago I was listening to NPR.  The story was about a man whose family was exiled from Libya in the seventies.  In exile his father was arrested by Egyptian intelligence officers and extradited back to Libya.  He and his family are pretty sure that his father is dead after all these years, but don't really have definitive prove if he is alive or dead.

So he always lives with a bit of hope.

The man went on to say that he was once in Ireland and met a woman whose father was lost at sea decades ago and never seen again, presumed (but not confirmed) dead.  He felt as though he had a shared experience with this woman.  They understood each other.

She always lives with a bit of hope too.

He went on to describe the misery of hope.  Generally we think of hope as a good thing.

All hope is not lost.

As long as you still have hope...

Keep hope alive.

But hope can be a bad thing too.  Hope can prevent you from moving on.  Hope can prevent you from having closure.

If you are still reading here, I am still alive.  I am healing and moving on with my life post-fertility treatments.  I still have hope.

More to come...