Saturday, July 24, 2010

Last night I had a dream...

...that Tony and I were in a delivery room.  I was in a hospital gown.  I was pregnant and about to give birth.  We were holding each other and dancing.  We were both so happy.

Even in my dreamy state there was a voice in the back of my head telling 'dream Megan', "Stop dreaming this.  Stop thinking this way.  This isn't going to happen for you.  If you keep this up it will only be painful when you wake up to reality." 

But 'dream Megan' kept dreaming and the voice in the back of my head kept berating her until finally I woke up.

18 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

Your subconscious won't leave you alone to have happy dreams?

Leslie said...

*hugs*

Amber said...

I hate those kind of dreams. I much prefer when I have the ones where I wake up naked in a foreign prison being charged with tons of crimes. Waking up from those is a blessing. Still hoping your dream comes true...

Augusta said...

I think this dream speaks of hope and resilience. It's a beautiful dream, really.

You are allowed to have dreams and hopes, Megan, no matter how much life tries to beat it out of you. Your wisdom knows that and I think that's what came out in the nighttime dream you had. Obviously, there is the protective part of you that wants you to shut that down, wrap it up in a box and put it in the basement of your psyche. It's done out of kindness and self-preservation, but your truth can't be ignored. You want to have a child.

Reconciling the two realities is such a delicate balancing act: Protecting yourself and letting yourself dream. How will you do this at this stage? I really don't know, but maybe that's one question your dream was asking.

You are a courageous woman. I wish you so much peace as you continue to find your way through a life that you did not plan for and wouldn't have chosen. But there you are...

womb for improvement said...

when you wok up did you try and get back to sleep, and your dream, really quickly?

Pundelina said...

I had an about-to-give birth dream the other night too. It was wonderful and then when I woke up, awful.

I think about you often and hope you are ok.

foxy said...

Thanks for sharing this with us.

the misfit said...

I understand about the self-protection. I don't think I have cynical voices in dreams, but they certainly accompany all of my waking hours. I don't really want to make the still-hopeful able to understand why hope can be so bad.

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Silver said...

A very bitter/sweet dream! It's funny how our minds work when we're not consciously controlling them.

AmyG said...

Oof! It's invaded your sleep! Hugs.

nurslouisa said...

Don't give up on your dreams! Hugs to you and tony and bo.

Frenchie said...

I'm not sure if this is the kind of assvice you want to hear, but a couple of years ago, during an unsuccessful IUI cycle, I had a very vivid dream. In my dream I awoke to the sound of a baby crying. (At the time my son--whom we adopted in 2007--was more of a toddler not so much an infant, and I remember thinking in my dream, that this cry didn't sound like his). I walked down the hall, opened the door, and saw my husband holding a baby. Somehow in my dream state I was very aware that the baby was a girl. My heart filled with so much happiness. I woke up from that dream very sure that it was a sort of *message* that I would one day have another child, even if not from our current fertility cycle. It took a while, but my dream came true. At times of doubt and frustration I remembered that dream. And yes, I doubted it's relevance many times. Dreams are very very powerful. I know it's hard when you wake up and realize "it was just a dream" and have to go back to your reality--but I think sometimes our dreams are more than 'just' dreams.

8freesoftwares said...

cool

mommyinwaiting said...

Our dreams and our hope are what carry us through - so hold onto the hapiness in the dream. I really hope that someday soon it will become your reality.

DaisyGal said...

here from the roundup and your post was beautiful...really.

and I wanted to tell you that there are no "just dreams' ...keep dreaming , keep hoping, just keep going....somewhere deep down you don't want to listen to that voice and someday you won't have to.

Megan, aka LadyofMoonlight said...

I just found you through the Stirrup Queen site and felt I had to post, if only from one Megan to another. This is likely not what you want to hear so feel free to ignore!

I myself have had a few extremely, EXTREMELY vivid pregnancy and birthing dreams. I can still recall those I had years ago, back when we were TTC. I was so happy in them, so in love with the child in my womb, so pleased to finally be pregnant. The dreams stopped when we started the adoption process, and today I'm the proud mother of two incredible sons through adoption and hope for another (home study almost complete, going for a girl this time!). Those dreams were nothing but a distant memory to me, completely pushed aside as my life took another path.

Recently, though, I had another dream. Very vivid, I could feel my baby kicking in my stomach. I spent the whole dream in euphoria, holding and rubbing my tummy. Somehow "dream me" remembered that I'll likely never carry a child in my womb and totally embraced the experience. This time when I woke up I wasn't disheartened or upset. I was happy. It was like my mind had allowed me to experience, if only for one night, the joys of a healthy pregnancy. And I have to admit, from where I stand today I was, and am, grateful to my subconscious for providing me with this. I will cherish these dreams forever.

Please don't take this as a "enjoy what little you may be given" response since, reading it, I feel I may have given that impression. Instead, I'd like to encourage you to record and remember these dreams so that one day you can tell your future child or children how you dreamed about them before they were even conceived :)

Good luck!

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