Sunday, April 25, 2010

Back in the Stirrups

No, don't spit out your Sunday afternoon margarita. No IUI, no IVF, just a regular well woman exam with an extra discussion regarding my missing period (cycle day 60+ since my post failed IVF bleed). Am I the only one who has Sunday afternoon margaritas?

I've been away from my regular OBGYN long enough that she has had time to drop my insurance and pick it up again. I was really excited to "graduate" from my RE (even without the eight week old heart beating fetus in my belly that most graduates have). Another step back toward normal world.

But things didn't go as planned...

It all started down hill when the nurse insisted on a pregnancy test since I haven't had my period for sixty-plus days. She asked me if I had tested at home. I answered, "Nope." She asked if there was a chance I was pregnant. I answered, "Nope." She asked if I was using birth control. I answered, "Nope."

I could tell that she was getting excited at the opportunity to be the one to tell me that I was pregnant. So I broke the bad news to her, "I've done five IVFs and I've only had sex with my husband once in the last sixty days, so I'm sure I'm not pregnant."

I could tell she was disappointed. She hung her head and said, "Well, the doctor would have wanted me to test anyway." The test was never mentioned again. I assume it was negative.

I had to relay and relive my whole history of infertility with the doctor like two college girls catching up. I started to cry. This is not how I wanted this visit to go.

After all the boob checking and pap smearing we got around to talking about my absent period. I told her about my high FSH. She asked if I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and I answered, "Yes." I'm not sure why I answered this way. I've never actually been told that I have POF. I'm not ready to open my medical records that I requested be mailed to me by my RE. Actually, no one has really said what is wrong with me besides the fact that I have high FSH and crap eggs. But based on my affirmative answer my doctor dropped a bomb.

"If you have POF you probably won't get your period anymore. I'll give you some Provera, but I want you to do some blood work before you take it."

Really? I always had normal periods. Yes, I had to take Provera to start my period before this last cycle, but I just figured I was messed up due to all the meds. Her prediction really bothered me. No period = no hope what so ever. Does no period mean that donor eggs is not even an option for me in the future? Does no period mean that I'm old and dried up at thirty two?

And so I wait. I wait for blood work (which I haven't given yet.) I wait for Provera to induce a period. I wait for another period that may never come. I wait for answers to questions that I had no idea would even apply to me.

WTF.

On a happier note I have been busy crafting the last few weeks and have decided to revive my other blog. Check it out if you have an interest in crafty things...

20 comments:

Tracey said...

Ugh, dagger! That was rough. No offense to your OB, but her diagnosis seems a bit premature. As impossible as it seems, don't get too discouraged. Maybe even discuss what she said with your RE who will likely tell you that it takes many woman time to get a real
flow post IVF.
Take care :-)

Andie said...

WTF indeed. I agree with Tracey.

We don't have sunday afternoon margaritas but we do have sunday afternoon wine! :)

I would love to check out your craft blog.

Eggie said...

I'm pretty sure that donor eggs are still a possibility with POF. Sorry for the shitty OB visit, that sucks to have to relive everything. Glad to hear that you're not avoiding and still taking care of yourself.

Mo and Will said...

Megan, I don't think you can have POF. You just had 32 eggs retrieved in February, and unless I'm mistaken (which is always possible), POF means you're out of eggs. When you've clearly got a number left. Also, even if you are in POF, that's no barrier to doing donor egg. So at least reassure yourself about that. Sorry this appt was so rough. thinking of you.

Mo

Adam and Julia said...

uuuggghh! So sorry about your news. That really sucks. It isnt over. something great will happen. thinking about you.

strongblonde said...

i agree with mo. maybe you should open up the packet from the RE and see if you ever got the official diagnosis. also, not sure if you read bella or not, but she did have POF and did DE for her IVF cycle.

i hate the appointments when you have to relive everything again. it's not like it wasn't hard enough the first time, right? :(

xx

Alex said...

What a crappy appointment! Sorry it didn't go very well. But don't give up hope yet - you never know until you get the full work-up. Thinking of you, and enjoy that marg!

Julize said...

I totally agree about your OB being premature--it doesn't sound to me like she has anywhere near enough information to make that kind of pronouncement (and it seems a little irresponsible if you ask me).

With that said, have you ever considered trying acupuncture? I realize you're at a place in your life where you're no longer TTC but I think it could be really helpful in terms of keeping your cycles on track.

Love your craft blog, by the way!

areyoukiddingme said...

Well, I would say that your OB is basing her opinion on your telling her that you have POF. I would say you kind of jumped the gun, there, so please don't worry about it yet.

But I'll be glad to see the revival of the Crafty CPA!

lastchanceivf said...

What a crappy thing for your doctor to say! Seriously.
I'm sorry you had to go through that...hoping that you prove her wrong.

Amber said...

As if the annual visit doesn't suck enough...

I have a good friend who just had a baby from donor eggs. She had failed on 3 IVF's and has POF as well. She wasn't able to cycle at all on her own, but had a perfect pregnancy. Just thought I'd let you know it doesn't count you out.

irrationalexuberance said...

Ugh indeed. But anyone who makes as many eggs as you do doesn't seem to be in the POF camp. Just the kinda crappy eggs camp (which apparently has no name since I keep asking). So maybe revisit with the OB? And that shouldn't put you out of the donor egg game either, btw.
btw, welcome back. You've been missed.

Kathleen said...

Don't listen to your RE. She knows nothing. Honestly... I've done 3 failed IVFs and my last 4 cycles have taken over 8 months... it takes a while to get your body back to normal... i know you've done quite a few and have had time in between, but your body will eventually go back to how it was.. its just going to take some time.

Michelle said...

OUCH that must have been very hard to hear. I am sorry about that and I hope things come back fine with the results.

BTW, I always hate when they insist on a pregnancy test even after I tell them there is NO WAY. The last time I said, "No, and if you want I can give you my 10 year history of infertility and miscarriages. Do you have the time?" No answer and they StiLL did the pregnancy test. UGH!!! Next time I will tell them I am not paying for it. I wonder if that will work.

((HUGS))

Nicole said...

Despite the emotions of drudging through your history with the doctor, I SO get the strange sensation of "returning" to the OBGYN, almost like you graduated but really it's just a very big step in moving forward.

I too have high FSH and crap eggs, at age 30, so we can be in the same club if you want?

Keepontrying said...

I think Sunday Margaritas sounds wonderful! I will have to try it!

Sounds like you should review the blood work results with your RE when you get a chance!

http://doihavetobeadink.blogspot.com/

birdsandsquirrels said...

I'm sorry about the appointment. I agree with everyone else that the POF diagnosis is probably wrong. You got 32 eggs! Even if that were the case, donor eggs should still be an option. Your cycle is probably just confused by all the stims from the last ivf and might take a while to get back on track.

I love your craft blog. Those bird pillows are so cute!

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ks said...

You can definitely do DE with no AF. My dx of POF was pretty much the same way. Everyone kept tip toeing around actually saying it, until one day I said it to my RE. I figured call it like it is. Right?! I'm sorry I know this sucks... POF blows!

Jessica said...

I have POF. Diagnosed at 19 years old....before I had even thought about having children, then option was ripped away from me. I found your blog while looking for support groups. Looking for someone to understand. Someone who gets it, while all my friends (now 27 years old) are so busy with their children. Donor Eggs are an option....at least for me they are. I have a "beautiful" uterus, so carrying shouldnt be an issue. I have not attempted IVF yet as we are still saving. Im sorry for what you are going through.

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