No, don't spit out your Sunday afternoon margarita. No IUI, no IVF, just a regular well woman exam with an extra discussion regarding my missing period (cycle day 60+ since my post failed IVF bleed). Am I the only one who has Sunday afternoon margaritas?
I've been away from my regular OBGYN long enough that she has had time to drop my insurance and pick it up again. I was really excited to "graduate" from my RE (even without the eight week old heart beating fetus in my belly that most graduates have). Another step back toward normal world.
But things didn't go as planned...
It all started down hill when the nurse insisted on a pregnancy test since I haven't had my period for sixty-plus days. She asked me if I had tested at home. I answered, "Nope." She asked if there was a chance I was pregnant. I answered, "Nope." She asked if I was using birth control. I answered, "Nope."
I could tell that she was getting excited at the opportunity to be the one to tell me that I was pregnant. So I broke the bad news to her, "I've done five IVFs and I've only had sex with my husband once in the last sixty days, so I'm sure I'm not pregnant."
I could tell she was disappointed. She hung her head and said, "Well, the doctor would have wanted me to test anyway." The test was never mentioned again. I assume it was negative.
I had to relay and relive my whole history of infertility with the doctor like two college girls catching up. I started to cry. This is not how I wanted this visit to go.
After all the boob checking and pap smearing we got around to talking about my absent period. I told her about my high FSH. She asked if I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and I answered, "Yes." I'm not sure why I answered this way. I've never actually been told that I have POF. I'm not ready to open my medical records that I requested be mailed to me by my RE. Actually, no one has really said what is wrong with me besides the fact that I have high FSH and crap eggs. But based on my affirmative answer my doctor dropped a bomb.
"If you have POF you probably won't get your period anymore. I'll give you some Provera, but I want you to do some blood work before you take it."
Really? I always had normal periods. Yes, I had to take Provera to start my period before this last cycle, but I just figured I was messed up due to all the meds. Her prediction really bothered me. No period = no hope what so ever. Does no period mean that donor eggs is not even an option for me in the future? Does no period mean that I'm old and dried up at thirty two?
And so I wait. I wait for blood work (which I haven't given yet.) I wait for Provera to induce a period. I wait for another period that may never come. I wait for answers to questions that I had no idea would even apply to me.
On a happier note I have been busy crafting the last few weeks and have decided to revive my other blog. Check it out if you have an interest in crafty things...