Thanks for all the well wishes on my AFC.
Tomorrow I start stims.
I am looking for any and all TCM practices, hollistic advice, and old wives tales regarding getting follicles to grow and quality eggs to develop.
Diet advice?
How do we feel about exercise? I am thinking only walking...don't over exert myself.
Are hot baths taboo?
I'm stopping the wheatgrass while stimming...how do we feel about that?
Of course I will be meditating each day...
And continuing acupuncture.
Anything else? Anything? All crazy suggestions will be appreciated and probably followed!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Baseline Day
Tony and I are huge "Top Chef" fans. The start of the new season inspired Tony to make a reservation for tonight at a really fancy restaurant.
I had reservations about the reservation with today being baseline ultrasound day and all. Would I feel like being out in public?
Luckily we have something to celebrate. AFC was five on the left and five on the right. That's ten total! That's more than last time!
We are both thrilled!
I'm going to party tonight.*
*As much as someone who is abstaining from alcohol, caffeine, and trying to follow a special diet can party.
I had reservations about the reservation with today being baseline ultrasound day and all. Would I feel like being out in public?
Luckily we have something to celebrate. AFC was five on the left and five on the right. That's ten total! That's more than last time!
We are both thrilled!
I'm going to party tonight.*
*As much as someone who is abstaining from alcohol, caffeine, and trying to follow a special diet can party.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
No Expectations.
Random Fact About Me #1: I have always tested extremely well. ACTs, SATs, LSAT, CPA exam, school exams; you name it, I have aced it. I don’t think this by itself makes me any smarter than anyone else*, but this talent has been a blessing that has made certain parts of my life easier.
Random Fact About Me #2: I have spent enough time working in the corporate world now that I am quite adept at setting objectives, establishing expectations, and determining stretch goals.
Why am I telling you these random facts about me? Because I believe that these personal traits make me a bad infertile person.** Mathematically speaking…
Not Used to Failure + High Expectations of Self = Bad Infertile Person
Sprinkle in a liberal dose of impatience, which I have in spades and it makes for a pretty miserable infertile existence. As my husband regularly tells me, “You aren’t wired for this.”
So for my baseline ultrasound appointment on Friday I am trying to have no expectations.
In the past I have gone into these appointments thinking, “If I have at least X number of follicles I will be OK. If I have at least Y number of eggs it won’t be so bad. If I have at least Z number of embryos I still have a shot.” I have always disappointed myself and left the doctor’s office in tears. I’m trying to banish these thoughts.
Whatever happens it will be OK. There is no scary follicle number. The number is what it is. Because while realistically I want more rather than less, for me it is all about quality and less about quantity.
I’m trying to remember, but it’s hard.
*I can blow my sister away on any standardized test, but she is WAY smarter than me. I just test well.
**Don’t take this to mean that I think there are “good” infertile people, but these are the personal traits I have struggled with the most when dealing with infertility. In my more philosophical moments I have determined that this journey has been a good learning experience for me and will make me a better mother. However, lately I am less philosophical about it. I feel like I have learned enough. I am ready to move on.
Random Fact About Me #2: I have spent enough time working in the corporate world now that I am quite adept at setting objectives, establishing expectations, and determining stretch goals.
Why am I telling you these random facts about me? Because I believe that these personal traits make me a bad infertile person.** Mathematically speaking…
Not Used to Failure + High Expectations of Self = Bad Infertile Person
Sprinkle in a liberal dose of impatience, which I have in spades and it makes for a pretty miserable infertile existence. As my husband regularly tells me, “You aren’t wired for this.”
So for my baseline ultrasound appointment on Friday I am trying to have no expectations.
In the past I have gone into these appointments thinking, “If I have at least X number of follicles I will be OK. If I have at least Y number of eggs it won’t be so bad. If I have at least Z number of embryos I still have a shot.” I have always disappointed myself and left the doctor’s office in tears. I’m trying to banish these thoughts.
Whatever happens it will be OK. There is no scary follicle number. The number is what it is. Because while realistically I want more rather than less, for me it is all about quality and less about quantity.
I’m trying to remember, but it’s hard.
*I can blow my sister away on any standardized test, but she is WAY smarter than me. I just test well.
**Don’t take this to mean that I think there are “good” infertile people, but these are the personal traits I have struggled with the most when dealing with infertility. In my more philosophical moments I have determined that this journey has been a good learning experience for me and will make me a better mother. However, lately I am less philosophical about it. I feel like I have learned enough. I am ready to move on.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The Power of Positive Thinking?
I like the idea of the power of positive thinking. I like the idea that my attitude (something I can control) could influence the outcome of anything. I like the idea that through the sheer force of my positive thoughts I could will myself to become pregnant.
I like the idea.
I want to believe in the idea.
I'm almost there.
Positive thinking makes me feel vulnerable. Positive thinking makes me feel exposed. Positive thinking makes me feel raw.
I'm pushing through and doing it anyway.
Positive.
This could work.
This could work.
This could work.
Before you think it's all Pollyanna over here, I have to admit that the negative thoughts still get in there.
I still fear that this won't work.
I still fear that this will never work.
Last cycle was 80% negative thoughts, 20% positive thoughts, and ended up a disaster. Opposite hypothesis proved.
This cycle is 80% positive thoughts and 20% negative thoughts.
We shall see.
I like the idea.
I want to believe in the idea.
I'm almost there.
Positive thinking makes me feel vulnerable. Positive thinking makes me feel exposed. Positive thinking makes me feel raw.
I'm pushing through and doing it anyway.
Positive.
This could work.
This could work.
This could work.
Before you think it's all Pollyanna over here, I have to admit that the negative thoughts still get in there.
I still fear that this won't work.
I still fear that this will never work.
Last cycle was 80% negative thoughts, 20% positive thoughts, and ended up a disaster. Opposite hypothesis proved.
This cycle is 80% positive thoughts and 20% negative thoughts.
We shall see.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Google's Views on Loss
What do you get when Google Adsense senses that you have experienced some loss, but can't quite put its finger on WHAT TYPE of loss you have experienced?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Mature Eggs
What do you get when you mix an infertile accountant and a super boring conference call about new accounting pronouncements...
See what others are showing and telling.
See what others are showing and telling.
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