tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post6670617089141034803..comments2023-11-03T06:53:28.451-05:00Comments on Bottoms Off And On The Table: Where's my parade?Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15844319222032025685noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-77083553783280986852010-07-08T14:38:31.299-05:002010-07-08T14:38:31.299-05:00i just stumbled upon your blog and i applaud you f...i just stumbled upon your blog and i applaud you for this post. i was only 32 when i had to have a hysterectomy (no prior children, and it was an emergency). NONE of my classmates came through. they did, however, come through with a parade for a peer who had a cancer diagnosis. for me, it was just, oh, she'll be ok, or take care of yourselves. i really can't look at these people without cringing. cancer is a scary thing, and deserves all of its attention, but there are other things just as hurtful and scary that go unacknowledged. my favorite was, well, the disease is gone, so why do you care? (i had adenomyosis). would they say the same thing to someone with uterine cancer? Or with breast cancer after a myemectomy? this all just made me a more compassionate person, but unfortunately took away my faith in others.masqueradehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01207666404603398713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-10211146272499663302010-06-15T20:28:16.872-05:002010-06-15T20:28:16.872-05:00I've had both infertility and cancer!While the...I've had both infertility and cancer!While they share a failure of cells to behave properly they really are quite different. I've had Crohn's disease for decades. Nobody ever gives you anything for that one.<br /><br />It's all awful. Don't kid yourself that one form of malfunction is better than another.<br /><br /> Cancer happens to a disease that has become well branded. Over the course of the last 30 years people have been so socialized on how to "react" to it and treat people. Previously, just as with infertility, it was never spoken of. Remember, the big "c"?<br /><br />Infertility broke my heart, and poisoned a marriage. But, cancer? almost killed me, broke my already fragile body and frightened my son and still wreaks havoc. <br /><br />If you are eligible, why not adopt? Not an option open to people with incurable diseases like C.D. Infertility, unlike other disorders, goes away once you get a baby.<br /><br /> Cancer is a disease that resonates with many people.It is generally quite visible. Perhaps,that's why they react with so much generosity.Infertility is less well understood. Maybe people think it is contagious? Maybe you need new friends? Good Luck.Amy Axlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03029546209839347900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-5814900030703107962010-06-07T16:04:41.118-05:002010-06-07T16:04:41.118-05:00We struggled with infertility for several years be...We struggled with infertility for several years before finally adopting our eldest son. It was easily the hardest most painful time in my life - I feel blessed that adoption was our salvation. And I was further blessed to have my infertility suddenly vanish after the adoption. I'm sorry you are in the midst of it all.Jos and Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174153195253779492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-36118212230836745752010-06-03T12:28:40.412-05:002010-06-03T12:28:40.412-05:00I actually have thyroid cancer and posted to my FT...I actually have thyroid cancer and posted to my FT blog (I know you from the High FSH forum) about how I found for my type of cancer, infertility has affected my life much more then my cancer (granted my cancer has a very high cure rate). Just checking in and hope your current state of LCF is going ok.Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00891294564000833628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-36645183770846525922010-05-31T17:26:12.695-05:002010-05-31T17:26:12.695-05:00I just found your blog from a link at 'My Bump...I just found your blog from a link at 'My Bumpy Journey'. I had to comment on you infertility art journal. Those are incredible. Really incredible. The combination of words and images connects with my heart in ways that I just can find words to express. Thank you for sharing these with us. <br /><br />Do you have a compilation journal that I can purchase? Please email me. <br /><br />You are an incredible artist.foxyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05482866425915180237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-15573254602554124422010-05-31T16:13:06.830-05:002010-05-31T16:13:06.830-05:00I am also late to the game, and really I just want...I am also late to the game, and really I just want to say YES. We deserve the same treatment as someone with MS or MD or another long-term disability. Something like chronic pain (although God knows that's not taken as seriously as it should be). Because it is a life long disability, complete with debilitating physical, emotional, spiritual effects.<br /><br />YES.roztimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09656248004737911271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-23213174965868694832010-05-26T19:13:50.496-05:002010-05-26T19:13:50.496-05:00I cried when I read your blog. I'm 33 and I h...I cried when I read your blog. I'm 33 and I had a hysterectomy last year, due to endometriosis and ovarian cysts. I was never able to have children. Infertility is a painful and lonely road. I'm sending you a hug, from me, a woman who has walked in similar shoes!<br /><br />Best of luck!Buffeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05072311114381114883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-53620406473268299762010-05-26T05:09:51.387-05:002010-05-26T05:09:51.387-05:00You're absolutely right. Being infertile is h...You're absolutely right. Being infertile is hard. Very hard. You deserve support, and to be able to talk about your struggles without embarrassment. You deserve to have friends help you and sympathise with you, and yet so much of the world of IF is hidden to most people. They just don't understand it. We should make them.<br /><br />xxxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-50411408176898464982010-05-25T08:55:33.401-05:002010-05-25T08:55:33.401-05:00i know i'm late to the game.... BUT....
as s...i know i'm late to the game.... BUT....<br /><br />as someone who has IF and had cancer?? i totally agree with you. people want to help when they hear that you have to go through chemo, etc. but when you have to go through the months of getting ready for your IVF cycle? no one is around. i was lucky to have friends who were nurses, too, who gave me my shots, my doses of laughter, and helped me through the process. i think it's more than the general population can bear. <br /><br />i can say that there are a lot of people that are not comfortable with "sickness" of any kind. my friend actually "broke up" with me shortly after my last round of chemo and i honestly think that she didn't know how to deal with adversity. i was infertile. i had cancer. she was pregnant. she couldn't deal. she didn't know how to be supportive, so she broke off all communication. at the time? i was devistated. and i hated her. now? i realize she did me a favor. what kind of friend is that anyway? <br /><br />this is much longer and much more "me-focused" than i intended, but i wanted to say that i wish that people could just GET IT already!!<br /><br />xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-32662351168950155382010-05-25T08:55:16.218-05:002010-05-25T08:55:16.218-05:00i know i'm late to the game.... BUT....
as s...i know i'm late to the game.... BUT....<br /><br />as someone who has IF and had cancer?? i totally agree with you. people want to help when they hear that you have to go through chemo, etc. but when you have to go through the months of getting ready for your IVF cycle? no one is around. i was lucky to have friends who were nurses, too, who gave me my shots, my doses of laughter, and helped me through the process. i think it's more than the general population can bear. <br /><br />i can say that there are a lot of people that are not comfortable with "sickness" of any kind. my friend actually "broke up" with me shortly after my last round of chemo and i honestly think that she didn't know how to deal with adversity. i was infertile. i had cancer. she was pregnant. she couldn't deal. she didn't know how to be supportive, so she broke off all communication. at the time? i was devistated. and i hated her. now? i realize she did me a favor. what kind of friend is that anyway? <br /><br />this is much longer and much more "me-focused" than i intended, but i wanted to say that i wish that people could just GET IT already!!<br /><br />xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-71097370240452075282010-05-23T21:29:32.424-05:002010-05-23T21:29:32.424-05:00You are NOT out of line. I wish I could post this...You are NOT out of line. I wish I could post this for the world to see. People just don't get it!!! And it does feel like a disease some days. IF is hard everyday too! Well said!!!Haleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10877596348654619762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-60974374410609622712010-05-22T03:15:11.311-05:002010-05-22T03:15:11.311-05:00I am TOTALLY with you on this.I am TOTALLY with you on this.Panamahathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10248512242594265755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-12353063482313821902010-05-21T11:07:47.506-05:002010-05-21T11:07:47.506-05:00Well said. I know I have been torn several times ...Well said. I know I have been torn several times on my journey about sharing my infertility and “going dark.” I started out with the optimism that the people that love me should know what I am going through. If they were in my shoes, I would want them to do that, so I could support them. And people felt bad at first, and asked dumb questions, and I answered, knowing it would take some time to educate them. And then they got back to their lives, and I was still living the hell. Slowly I found myself pulling away and sharing less, and they didn’t ask. I think when we don’t get the kind of support we want, it hurts, and so we start shutting down to protect ourselves. I guess it’s a defense mechanism. However, I know in my heart that the only way that people are going to be more sensitive to the issue and know how to act is if we educate them. So I try my best to educate whenever an opportunity presents itself. My feeling is that even if we don’t help ourselves, maybe they will be more informed and then perhaps tell someone else, and eventually we will live among people that aren’t so insensitive to infertility.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07790795301619405716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-41773650270119639982010-05-19T08:11:37.701-05:002010-05-19T08:11:37.701-05:00Gosh! I love this post! Well said! We deserve emp...Gosh! I love this post! Well said! We deserve empathy and for people to take care of us! :-)<br /><br />And friends should donate for us to pay for treatments, it shouldn't be a big issue!Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05225175103422761222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-59840446493979977012010-05-19T00:55:28.818-05:002010-05-19T00:55:28.818-05:00I am right there with you, sister. Most of my frie...I am right there with you, sister. Most of my friends and family (on and off facebook) know that dh and I are IF, but they NEVER ask how I'm doing, and if I so much as mention anything about babies (including congratulating my friends and family who are constantly popping up pregnant) I immediately get wacked with "you'll have kids eventually", "adopt and you'll get pregnant instantly", and "just be glad you're not having to (insert dirty baby job here) and get to have fun with your dh instead" comments. I can't stand it!! More than once I've wanted to just SCREAM at people for their incensitivity.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15784012926662729935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-28964192142863493362010-05-18T20:06:38.720-05:002010-05-18T20:06:38.720-05:00You are so right about this!!! I often wish I cou...You are so right about this!!! I often wish I could have some physical manifestation of the pain (save for the obvious of not having children) so that someone would give me a sympathetic pat on the back every now and them. <br /><br />But damn, if I could put out a little jar at the grocery store asking for donations to help pay for my infertility treatments, THAT will be the day we have arrived at equity.inBetweenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17212548401525577878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-33365418152783381122010-05-18T11:49:07.502-05:002010-05-18T11:49:07.502-05:00Infertility is a medical condition. Even the Worl...Infertility is a medical condition. Even the World Health Organization has officially labeled it as such. (i read that somewhere; i have no idea where but i saw it on their website too) After awhile, don't our friends wonder 'hey, wonder why I never see her anymore?' or 'haven't heard in awhile how her fertility treatments are going - but I DON'T SEE A KID'? I mean, they gotta wonder after awhile.<br /><br />Any life situation involving endurance, suffering and loneliness (though by this definition, we can see why) needs support. Community, friend, family and workplace support. Can anyone have too much love? Encouragement? Cheering on? What about too many prayers? Kind emails? Cards? And don't get me started on the FINANCIAL! I'm so broke it ain't funny... and I don't have my kiddos yet...<br /><br />And yet, as much as I have yearned for each of these and more, I tell myself: be the one whom you cry for. Be that one. <br /><br />In tears, I try to be.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01800091686064254338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-48576935355804999372010-05-18T10:50:23.348-05:002010-05-18T10:50:23.348-05:00I completely and totally, 100%....agree!! Great p...I completely and totally, 100%....agree!! Great post!!!Carriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06787560951254005668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-9991537610950822712010-05-18T07:03:06.161-05:002010-05-18T07:03:06.161-05:00Infertility like cancer, depression, drug addictio...Infertility like cancer, depression, drug addiction, makes those who don't suffer from it feel uncomfortable and awkward...thereby making the infertile feel awkward and uncomfortable. Sometimes silence is just easier than dealing with it...not suggesting that's what we should promote. (And some medications do cause hair loss although not to the extreme that chemotherapy causes it.) I think the common thread is suffering and feeling alone in our pain regardless of whether it's infertility or cancer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-52650426482416663202010-05-17T21:11:54.005-05:002010-05-17T21:11:54.005-05:00Damn staight you are right. I don't have any a...Damn staight you are right. I don't have any answers, although I wish I did. People say they support you and blah blah blah but where are they in your darkest hours? In my experience everyone shows up during the 2 week wait when the show gets exciting. Until then and after the negative beta..nothing.hope4joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07285061355445227627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-43346208210592697062010-05-17T19:53:00.171-05:002010-05-17T19:53:00.171-05:00How very true!!! Our infertility makes OTHER peopl...How very true!!! Our infertility makes OTHER people feel so uncomfortable- I think they just avoid it themselves. <br />I would love to shower friends with love and support during IF treatments- but it is never talked about.<br /><br />SIGH.<br /><br />{{HUGS}}<br /><br />I wish your friends a clean bill of health!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-89272068148439741572010-05-17T17:58:57.695-05:002010-05-17T17:58:57.695-05:00I feel your pain. I don't wish IF on anyone, ...I feel your pain. I don't wish IF on anyone, however, I think that's the only way most people would "get it." I remember seeing a card for miscarriage at a Hallmark store and wondering why no one ever sent me one of those. It's not like there weren't enough opportunities. *snif*<br /><br />My most fervent supporter is a friend at work, 15 years older, who walked the same path as me many years ago. She never did have children, and she never adopted. She keeps me motivated, and I am free to ask her for advice. She also checks in on me which is something some of my longtime friends forget to do. I know I'm lucky to have her support. Wish we all had that IRL.Libbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06957887707439694944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-22320990491548462742010-05-17T17:46:14.070-05:002010-05-17T17:46:14.070-05:00Disenfranchised grief is the hardest of griefs. Ju...Disenfranchised grief is the hardest of griefs. Just ask anyone who lost a loved one to AIDS in the 80s or 90s. <br /><br />My partner and I got married a few months after our fertility treatments unequivocally failed. For some reason, it seemed quite alright to feel the fullness of the joy we were supposed to feel about getting married, but not the depth of the grief about not being able to conceive. I was lucky to have some amazing friends who let me share my grief with them and didn't ask me to be happy through it. I didn't get a parade, but I feel like being supported by a few close friends was a miracle. And for those who didn't understand, that was difficult. <br /><br />Thanks for your post.Augustahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01257478728772841767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-19934709054766056252010-05-17T17:35:24.058-05:002010-05-17T17:35:24.058-05:00Most people ARE confused by Infertility. I posted ...Most people ARE confused by Infertility. I posted "have you hugged an infertile?" on my Facebook status and an argument ensued between 4 of my friends - 3 saying people shouldn't wallow and that everyone deserves hugs NOT just one particular group (I posted it on Mothers Day - a day where an Infertile would need a hug!) and one (Miss Sass from Life of Bee's) who defended me to the hilt - that girl rocks.<br /><br />That comment/status debacle was followed up by my cousin saying "I didn't think you were infertile - just that you had trouble getting pregnant" - um that is also defined as infertility. And then when I told her that I had trouble holding onto pregnancies I got "well at least you know you can get pregnant so it will just be a matter of time..."<br /><br />Basically I've found if someone hasn't been touched by infertility, then they have no idea and no want to even stat to educate themselves.<br /><br />No you're not out of line - at all!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4881629173943208551.post-38181232293718250542010-05-17T16:46:45.860-05:002010-05-17T16:46:45.860-05:00Yeah -- a parade would be nice, or at least some s...Yeah -- a parade would be nice, or at least some sort of acknowledgement that what we are going thrugh is tough. But instead people just ignore the 8000 pound gorilla staring at them.<br /><br />I'm a little bit bitter right now (one of my closest friends just spectacularly failed at being a friend), but my view is that it will always be "that which is not spoken about" because it is (a) related to sex and (b) so easy for most peopleirrationalexuberancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05772420700972282324noreply@blogger.com